Can't believe I'm not on staff anymore
Sad but necessery.
And don't have to worry about my spelling
yeah...

UGH! I've been waiting so long to be a HelpLINK Mentor.. and, it's only been 8 days. And, I'm thinking about quitting? Wth? I don't know if I should or not. I just feel like the pressure to be perfect at it. And, I know I'm not. Everyone is just sooo much better. I thought I would be amazing. But, like I said... everyone is soo much better. It sucks.

Tomorrow I'm hopefully going to Jon's house. If that happens, our funfilled activities will most likely include cuddling, kissing, and a great big nerf gun war!

We are not a normal couple at all. I can't wait to go over there and go crazy with the nerf guns. And if he completely destroys me in the nerf war, which he probably will, at least we can sit down in his big squishy video game chair and I can beat his ass in a round of Katamari Damacy. Sounds like fun to me!

Baby Face-Nobody knows it but me.

Just singing' it over and over.

I don't know anything anymore..
I'm drifting.
Going deep withing myself.
Outcasting myself from everyone.
I want to be alone.
I m tired of putting my faith in people.
I am closing my heart and emotiona and ny ties to people.
Just me now.

thought that this would never happen, but it did. i finally broke down last night. January 1st, im leaving. I dont know where. But im leaving. Anywhere is better than here.

The good news? My girlfriend gets here in 3 hours to stay for a week.

The bad news? I have a cold and all the sneezing has done something to my ear which hurts like a bitch.

I love my life.

I'm A Little Bit Late, But Merry Christmas Everyone!

Fat, stupid, useless. Not working. Not doing anything worth doing. Stupid girl. You don't deserve to live. Seriously, you don't. You're so fat. And ugly. And unlovable.

Christmas was ok. Pretended im happy, and better. It all just seemed like a blur. Too much happy people. I almost tricked myself for a while that i was happy. I don't think im ever going to get better. I wish i was. Felt so low yesterday. ive felt like that all of last week too. I was (somewhat) a little happier for about 2 weeks. I actually believed i would get better. yeah right, i don't think im ever gonna be better or happy.
All i wanted to do yesterday was to be alone and cut. I didnt....