I give up.....hi pills...how i've missed you >_<

I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel so alone all this time lately. I'm just slipping more and more...
I really wish I could tell my friends, I need them more than ever right now but i'm scared they won't understand.
I can't hold on any longer, I just was to cut and I don't want to be here any longer...

Gotta get on here more. Gotta get off leave by tomorrow. I can't lose my HelpLINK Mentor position. It makes me happy..

Sometimes I think that I am fighting a losing battle over here.

Didn't sleep well last night. probably got like 3 hours. I normally get like 7 hours. so im really tired..
I just cut again. I didnt even try to stop myself this time. Didnt see any point in trying not to. It doesnt stop me. Now i have to think if i want to lie to every one again. I probably will. I'll just get in more trouble if i tell the truth.

Today i've just lied in bed, been online, and cut. Im so pathetic. I don't have enough energy to get out of bed. All i want...

Someone called me wonderful today.
I have fell like dying and cutting all day.
That made me me feel a tiny but vetter. Just enough not to harm myself.

Thank you. <3

My mom said that if I ever self harmed again, she'd put me into inpatient therapy because I have "no reason to self harm" and, well, of course she thinks my suicidal thoughts are exaggerated.
But, I've been thinking.

No, the thoughts haven't gone away like I said.
I've lied to my therapist about the last time I've self harmed.
The therapist is already suggesting I see a psychiatrist, and is going to talk to my mom about this next time I see her.Once she does,...

Burning shivers and silent screams. Contradictions of my mind and body and surroundings that are some interrelated disconnected cyclical chaos.

See? That was ridiculously wordy and made no sense. But it’s still exactly straight the words from my head.

Writing lately, that’s what I’ve learned. It’s that when I let my pen exactly write my thoughts without clarifying or translating to real people phrases and expressions, they come out right somehow, but still fundamentally...

This past week was my first week back at school. Felt like shit the whole time. Acted like i was happy, yeah right. Pushed anyone who asked if i was ok away. Just tried not to get noticed.
tried to kill myself again. No one found out. Luckily. I just wish everyone would forget that i existed. Im worthless.
Im such an idiot. I actually believed i was getting better. Im not going to. Im hopeless.
I hate myself. Even a 7 year old me there is something wrong with me, and my...

I don’t know how to get through this week. It’s going to be incredible hard. There’s only one thought in my head right now, “Kill yourself Emma.” No one even cares. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I’ve pushed everyone away and I have nothing left. I don’t even have a reason to fight now.

...