Hey people.

I'm home alone, finally reworking a FreddieXOC, which I've thought about for more than a week. Which I couldn't do because of my conference.

Yesterday I spent the whole night coloring an art project. For math. Yea. It was circle art. But luckily, today I took a test that I never learned anything for, and passed. Sure, it was bare minimum, but still. I also got 80% on another project.

I've also been accepted to go to the school's trip to China...

School today..get to be ignored all day..get to sit by myself because i'm scared of talking to people incase they get annoyed.
I really can't face they day, probably just end up sitting in the toilets cutting :/

Plus I have triple maths :/ Joyssss

I really am. i give up. I can't get better, so im not gonna try anymore. Fuck this.

I wish id die.

Make it go away...
Please.. make the thoughts stop...it's scares me >_<

Can't do this..

It was in the march of the winter I turned seventeen
That I bought those pills
I thought I would need
And I wrote a letter to my family
Said it's not your fault
And you've been good to me
Just lately I've been feeling
Like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon
And I've heard that music
Echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank
By herself
And I sat watching a flower
As it was...

Our conference ended yesterday, *sniff, sniff*.
All our friends are gone. We're gone. I'm home. I miss a lot of people, and I generally miss everyone, I miss the hotel (NOT THEIR SPIDERS), the pool, the sexy life-gaurds, the food, the conversations... More, but one thing I miss the most is how OUT I could be.

I was pansexual and that was clear, my friend, CJ, started calling LGBT, LGBPTQ2, which stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, PANSEXUAL, queer and questioning. Which made me,...

Can't do this...can't fight it anymore..

Thanks for leaving the packet of razors in my room mom...it helps a lot...

I need people right now..I want someone to care, but i know they shouldn't, I know i'm worthless...

It gets worse.
Today has been bad.
That's a lie.
Today has been awful.
Understatement.
The blade helps though.
That's what I live for.
Pain, and Hurt.

I've never been this low...
Even when it was bad, at its worst..
It wasn't like this..
And this is a good day..
I managed to smile today...
I can't think of a reason to carry on...
I hate everyone, everyone hates me...
Can't remember the last day I didn't cry...
I don't see a future, I hardly see a tomorrow...
How can I keep going like this? I don't even know if I want to keep fighting

Something is not right.
Apart from my Im back message I haven't posted in the forums.
I think I've forgotten how to help people...
This is unacceptable.
I am unacceptable.
This. Must. Change.