I am having one heck of a messed up week, so far.
Also, I annexed the barbecue shapes because I was hungry and couldn't afford chips. Until Wednesday, at least, and I've decided I might spend Tuesday living off chocolate. I'll be in transit so it shouldn't be too bad, and when I get there I can always just go straight to sleep and then stay that way until it's time to get ready.

I have to see Yvonne tomorrow. I keep thinking I could miss the appointment, save myself $6.80...

Okay, the photo shoot went very well, aside from a few bumps!

First, it took us 5 hours in the woods and fields taking pictures. Way longer than I expected. Next, I lost my locket. That locket is precious to me and I wanted to cry when I realized it was gone. It could've been anywhere in those woods, or the field. We searched for over 30 minutes and finally went inside for a rest. Jon kept promising he would keep searching after I went home, that he'd search all day tomorrow...

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps praying the floor won't fall through again
And my mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine
You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules everyday
Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight
Well, I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why
...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aoS2...endscreen&NR=1


i still remember the look on your face
lit through the darkness at 1:58
the words that you whispered for just us to know
you told me you loved me
so why did you go away
away

i do recall now, the smell of the rain
fresh on the pavement
i ran off the plane
that july 9th, the beat of your heart
it jumps through your shirt
...

I'm struggling so bad just now.
It's like someone's died. I can't stop crying at everything. I feel really sick and empty and I can't even explain it.
I can't do this. I can't just accept that that's it. I keep praying I'm going to wake up and it'll all just be a dream.
I can't come to terms with the fact that I won't be going to sleep with and waking up to texts every day. It just feels like it shouldn't be so easy to just give up. It's not easy anyway. I can't explain it....

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So I eventually went to bed at about 3:30am, after visiting the loo and reading for a while. Seperate of each other of course. And slept. Ish, kept waking up, but nothing new there.

So I get a txt from my grandfather at 12:30pm saying "please call". Instead of texting back to confirm this, I get out of bed, eat breakfast, then call him, only to discover that he sent the message accidentally whilst clearing out his inbox. Not impressed, I could have stayed in bed.
...

Today has really sucked. It feels like every time I feel like I'm getting my life back on track, something happens to push me a few steps back again. Don't get me wrong, I know this is important and something that needs to be done. That doesn't make it any easier.

Mum reckons I'm acting weird, my brother's confused because I went off on a rant about how unrealistic happily ever after love stories are. I'm just sat in my room with about 4 times the amount of calories I should have,...

Jon had better be ready for one hell of a photoshoot tomorrow. I'm making a little project.

I just recently managed to get the song I've desperately wanted for my iPod. I went through hell with it, though. With an iPod touch, you can't put your iPod songs onto your computer. There are programs you can download to make it work, but none of the sites are safe for downloads or the download won't work. I wasn't going to risk killing my laptop, it's seen enough trouble. I was up...

Today I was in therapy. Everything went well until she said that next week she was "learning who would be taking over for her" and that she'd find someone that I'd like and we'd have a few meetings together. Now, I don't know if she means she's retiring or just has to be away for a while due to circumstances or what, but I'm sitting here flipping out because I'm scared that she does mean she's retiring. I started to trust her and open up to her. I talked to her about my SH and everything...