Having such a crap few days, really don't want to go to school. Got shouted at by my friend yesterday for acting miserable when I didn't realise I was, but I hadn't told my grandad tried to kill himself on Monday. My friends just talk about me behind my back, I've heard them when they didn't realise I was in the room.

Guess I'll be by myself again, the kid no one cares about or wants to talk to :/

I received in the mail today a letter telling me that police hold a summons for me to attend court. Oddly, the court is going to be held at a police station. All times I've attended court in the past, it's been in a court house. I have ten days to answer the summons, if I don't answer within ten days, then they'll send some cops to my house in a marked police car.

I suppose I could always make sure I'm out of town from the 17th onwards, lawl. But I think I'll just deal with it....

New XKCD comic, "every major's terrible". Pretty crack up, must have taken him a while to think all that up. But I sort of relate, although I do have a declared major (Psychology) that when I am able to go back to studying properly will become a double major (Psychology and English).

I've decided that when I go to the doctor tomorrow to get a fixed medical certificate I'm also going to ask if I can have a blood test done to check my iron and B12 levels. I clicked last night...

You going to get through this, you're not dying on my watch.
I know things are hard and you can push the family away as much as you want but it doesn't mean we're not going to care any less.

ODing isn't helping anything, it just worries us and you can be as stubborn as you want and refuse to go to hospital but please let me help you, let your family in. I promise you now that your family care more about you than this woman you tried to run off with.

Seriously grandad,...

Lately I've been wondering how much I can really affect anyone's life. I mean people say that they want to really make a difference and I'd like that even if it was just with one person but I'm not really sure if I could ever be that person who brightens anyone's day or helps anyone. I try my best to be there for everyone that means a lot for me and I'd do anything I can to help them when they're struggling, upset or anything. I' m always nice to people and I try my beat to be happy and friendly...

I'm exhausted. After I write this, I'm going to have a shower, take my rubbish out, then crash til Wednesday. Sort of.

Saw my psychologist today, she said she wasn't aware that that letter had even been sent to my doctor but she's happy with the diagnosis as it is and was of the opinion that Beydals only met me once and very briefly and therefore that was just his opinion. I have an appointment with a different doctor on Friday and she's sure that the diagnosis (the Beydals one) will...

I'm starting to think that you don't care, that you don't want me anymore. In really hOping you're going to prove me wrong, but I'm not sure that you want to.

Exams start next week, 9 in 10 days :/ I'm going to do so badly, another way for my to disappoint my family >_<

Can i have 1 full day being happy? Please. I'd give anything.
Most of my day has been fine, i was in an ok mood, went with my friend, actually had fun. But now the depression is setting back in. I thought maybe for 1 day i could be happy and have no urges to SH. But no. I just want to slice my skin over and over. Just this once i miss it so much, i just want to feel the pain that i deserve. I need to cut. The urges are getting too bad, i don't think i can handle it. Maybe i'll give in just...

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Yesterday was crazy. I was supposed to have a relaxing day at Jon's house, and we were going to have the house to ourselves all day because his whole family was going out. Well, that changed at the last second. The company Jon's dad works for was having a big company picnic for all the employees and their families, hence Jon and I having the house to ourselves. Nope, we ended up going to the picnic with them. Thank god it was held inside and outside; it was like a big giant garage really, it held...