I can't trust anyone. No one really cares. It's all lies...

You told me that you would be there for me every step of the way. Where are you now? You suddenly don't give a damn. I need you to care. Should have never trusted you.

Well, my lawyer txted me this morning. Told me to go to the police station with either a parent or my keyworker to uplift the summons, give them only the information that I legally have to give - that is, name, address, and date of birth - refuse interviews and questions, and fax him the summons afterwards. I'm pretty sure I faxed him the summons already, maybe they'll give me something different at the police station? I don't know.

I'm apprehensive about this because I don't know...

It's actually a genuine issue for me. I generally come across as positive and optimistic. I mean, not that that's a bad thing, but it does make it very difficult to communicate depression, or to even admit to depression.

I'm not depressed yet - I can feel it, waiting around the corner, slinking in the shadows, biding its time, until I am weak and it can get me all at once. I know it's going to happen. It's half-past May and nearly June. I know when to expect it.

I just...

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Cut again
Already regret it
Would've exploded if I didn't though
Let so many people down
Want to cut more
Know I shouldn't
Want to scoff my face with food
Tied my hands together to try stop myself
Just hate me.

As much as I like the little alcove I live in, I'm actually scared to leave the house or be home alone at the moment. I mean, there are only 3 other houses in the street and pensioners live in them all so we've never had any trouble. But the houses over the wall from our back garden are on a street that's a bit.... dodgy. To say the least. And the street attached to that one isn't the nicest either. But last night there was a really odd noise, so I went through and asked mum if she'd heard thunder...

Having such a crap few days, really don't want to go to school. Got shouted at by my friend yesterday for acting miserable when I didn't realise I was, but I hadn't told my grandad tried to kill himself on Monday. My friends just talk about me behind my back, I've heard them when they didn't realise I was in the room.

Guess I'll be by myself again, the kid no one cares about or wants to talk to :/

I received in the mail today a letter telling me that police hold a summons for me to attend court. Oddly, the court is going to be held at a police station. All times I've attended court in the past, it's been in a court house. I have ten days to answer the summons, if I don't answer within ten days, then they'll send some cops to my house in a marked police car.

I suppose I could always make sure I'm out of town from the 17th onwards, lawl. But I think I'll just deal with it....

New XKCD comic, "every major's terrible". Pretty crack up, must have taken him a while to think all that up. But I sort of relate, although I do have a declared major (Psychology) that when I am able to go back to studying properly will become a double major (Psychology and English).

I've decided that when I go to the doctor tomorrow to get a fixed medical certificate I'm also going to ask if I can have a blood test done to check my iron and B12 levels. I clicked last night...

You going to get through this, you're not dying on my watch.
I know things are hard and you can push the family away as much as you want but it doesn't mean we're not going to care any less.

ODing isn't helping anything, it just worries us and you can be as stubborn as you want and refuse to go to hospital but please let me help you, let your family in. I promise you now that your family care more about you than this woman you tried to run off with.

Seriously grandad,...