I wait all day for the nighttime to come, and then it does, and slaps me in the face.
Mother fucker. -.-

I was struggling today, but managed to do okay. The minute the night hits, like I was waiting for, I loose control. It's so bad right now, I don't think its ever been this bad.

The urges. God the urges. I'm so close to slicing into this vein on my wrist that I can feel...

So I went out with my friend today, since I wanted to get out and had money (for once). Anyways, we were sitting down in the snack (... this place that can be expensive but serves enough fries in their small fries to feed two). And we come up to the conversation that I'm not totally sure if we should have had it in public, but whatever (I've made comments about a cute girl in front of people who are parents of my classmates, so whatever). And she tells me that she was wondering "Why George?"-...

This darkness, its overwhelming. I watch a figure skating show, and they're so beautiful..all I can think is "I'm so fat. Why can't I look like them?! Why?? I've always wanted to ice skate..but I'm too fat. God I just wanna cut this away."

God. I'm just sitting here. All alone, practically in tears.

I need to be happy. For the people I love. I cannot break down, I cannot die. I..MUST be happy.

But I don't want to be. I want to be in this...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of facing the challenges of growing up in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held ...

Okies, first off: thermal socks. They're so delicious for my feets. I slept so well last night, purely because I was so ridiculously comfortable, which was purely due to my brand new purple thermal socks. It's been a couple of years since I had thermal socks, so these are quite nice. I mean, I've had fluffy socks, but not proper thermal ones. So it's really nice for my feetsies.

Olly said I coached really well today! I was happy, I had a little Jess-pride moment to myself. We basically...

Coldplay- Fix You
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high...

I just have to say, it has turned out totally worth posting that thread, just for the lulz!

I was stoned when I posted it, I don't actually believe Apple is evil (of course not, they're just makers of sexy, sexy products.), I just had a thought and wondered what would happen.

Turns out there are some people with strong opinions on that sort of thing. Who'd've thought. Definitely not me, I was surprised that the thread got even one reply.
So I've had my giggles...

Right now I totally don't understand other people's pain. Well I do, sort of, but it's purely in a logical way, I just don't get how they can't put it to the side and move past it. Maybe it's just how I'm thinking right now. Or maybe my mind is superhuman and I no longer have any pain that requires dealing with. Either way.

I went for a walk last night at about half past midnight, was gone for about an hour, did 7,500 steps in that time. Most of it barefoot, because it was raining,...

Urghhh chest pains, headache, breathing hurts. Why am I alway ill lately, it's so annoying.
Going out with friends in a bit, not even sure if I want to go, don't know if they actually want me there. It's probably easier to stay at home by myself..

I can't really explain how i feel, but i'm going to try.

I feel on the verge of bursting into tears, and yet in a "i dont give a fuck" mood...I talked to one of my friends i hadn't stayed in touch with last night over FB. I thought she had quit cutting, especially since she was inpatient for a while, but i was wrong...

Today me and E had an arguement..partly because im so extremely emotional all of the time, and he ran out of meds (schizophrenia...