There is never going to be the right time to come out. My mom is away and I considered doing it, but she's coming back tomorrow and the place is nearby this town that has the slowest internet.

Sometimes it feels really hopeless. I was also considering it during summer camp, but I'm not going anymore (which is kind of a relief, actually.) And then the rest of the time this summer I'm not going to be able to get away from her to send her an email. I've decided that email works better...

I don't think I can do this anymore. This eating disorder is controlling my life. Constantly blocking out the thoughts, the feelings, the urges. Constantly making sure I'm eating, making sure no one knows. I'm so done. I broke down and purged my breakfast earlier. I felt so much relief, but immediatly regretted it.
I talked to my dad about having problems again, and I emailed my former psychologist....

So. Cold calling went well, I guess. And based on the weather, it genuinely was cold calling. Polar blasts, we get the every year, and the same people complain about the "unseasonsable cold" every year . . . it's just part of living in a country which isn't too far afield of Antarctic meteorology. In other words, it's just life. Personally I don't like freezing my butt off, but on the bright side, at least the weather's nice. Cold, but nice.

Oh, back to cold calling. Dropped...

So, I have an eating disorder. That is still so hard to just, type. I still think of people with eating disorders as [edited], and beautiful. But thats not always the case, like me for instance.

Today has been, difficult. My parents made me clean my room. and I kept finding little trinkets from when my eating disorder had control of my life. It was really triggering.
...

As A Child, Played With Female Barbies = Still Female.

I have to admit it, as a child I was the one who played the female with barbies, I was the one that had all the little children and was constantly choosing all the cute clothing. And apparently for my friend, that is enough to say that I am a female

But, in my defense... I only owned about two different male dolls, which were either broken or lost. And besides, the girls had better clothing!

Another...

Half past 11 at night. Current temperature: 8 degrees celsius. Predicted overnight low: 1 degree celsius. Temperatures over the last week overnight: averaged 11-13 degrees celsius.

Yup, I am totally feeling the cold, and tomorrow I will check on the MetService website to see what the low actually ended up being.

I haven't smoked any tobacco in the last 24 hours. This wasn't intentional, it just happens to be that I've been occupied doing other stuff, like mowing the...

Ok, so one of the younger users posted on his profile that he has "an adult IQ of 102" at the age of 14. Now, I don't know what my IQ was at 14, but I know it was comfortably in the gifted range when I did a neuropsych when I was 12 or 13.

So out of curiosity, I googled online IQ tests. As you do.
IQ Test Labs came up. I did the test. 27 out of 30 correct, 90%, IQ of 132: Gifted.
Stanford-Binet IQ of 134, Cattell IQ of 151.
Suck on that.

...

This is basically about my friend… And I think she's finally in some shape or form, understanding me. Understanding my position in gender and sex and how I am George and that I am male, and that I might not be the most manly male ever, that I still am male.

Like with the "Why George?" Blog thing, she's gotten that I have a name and that name is not my female name and was even interested in it and about finding another could be name, through I think I'll stick with George,...

After a few weeks, you sort of forget the rush. The insane feeling of, I'm so amazing, that I can hurt myself, and even though I feel the pain (because I don't dissociate), it's nothing. It's like, it's like being powerful. It's like being so in control that you even have control of your physiological responses to pain. Pain? Give it to me, I can handle it, because that is simply how awesome I am.

And the blood? Oh yeah, the blood. Strong enough and resilient enough that I can bleed,...

Having such a crappy few days, getting more and more ill, losing everyone close to me, i was supposed to go to a party last night but i couldn't face the people, the judging.

We're starting to look at unis and our personal statements tommorrow, i'm kind of excited. I can't wait to just get away from home, away from the people that hurt me so much :/