[funny from facebook: I have mood poisoning. Must be some of the bullshit I swallowed.]

I love how being in a low phase gives you days of absolutely loathing yourself, and other other days where you simply don't have the motivation to move.

Also, my laptop is making noises, and I can't figure out why, it's purely when I type, either I'm hallucinating (unlikely) or there is a fuck-up circuit between my keyboard and my speaker.

But anyway, back on topic....

Had such a stressful day yesterday, was on duty at a football tournament with st John ambulance. We had a spinal injury and a broke leg as well as a few minor injuries.
The ambulance took 30 minutes to come for the boy with the spinal injury so I had to hold his head in the same place for the whole time. When I let go of him when the neck collar was on, my shoulder clicked and went all weird and now I can't move it :/
Also I've never heard so much screaming when the lad broke his...

I gave Jon nightmares because of something I did at the wedding. I didn't realize I'd worried him that much. He's been so shaken up ever since I had those seizures, he can't take his eyes off me. He never lets me wander off alone, just in case.

At the reception hall yesterday there were tons of people, which makes me extremely nervous. Every once in a while I'd want to go for a walk outside, around the building. At one point I went out, but I forgot to tell Jon. I was already out...

I think about suicide. Then I think about how I have responsibilities, and how it's competition season, and how I've seen proof again and again that suicide is contagious.

Then I think about suicide.
Then I think about how I don't want to give my sister the satisfaction. Then I think about how much I hate myself. Then I think about suicide.

I'm fat. So fat, that my BMI apparently is "morbidly obese". I don't look like I'm dying of being overweight,...

OH you want me to move out, you say you don't even want me here...with what money?! You wouldn't let me get a proper job and have stopped me from getting money out of my bank account.

Yeah I don't want to live here any more, you treat me like crap, it's okay for you to throw things at me and scream in my face and tell me how stupid i am, but as soon as a have a "tone" in my voice then i'm in the wrong.

Don't worry i won't be here much longer, it's the end of my...

I'm finally off leave (yay!), but I'm tired after all the stuff I've been doing recently. I've been helping my boyfriend's family with wedding plans (his sister is getting married), I went to his family reunion, I had 2 seizures, I helped with wedding planning, I had to clean my entire house, I helped with more wedding planning, I twisted my ankle, and I helped with wedding planning. Did I mention wedding planning?

Anyway, the wedding is today and it's 7:30 am. I'm tired, but I have...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of building confidence and self-esteem in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be...

So I wasn't feeling great about the idea of team building at Rocket Ropes today, but I went anyway, because at the end of the day, I'm part of the team and need to participate.

The flying fox was AWESOME.

And then I tried to do the highest rope course (without realising that it's probably also the hardest), and discovered very quickly that I didn't have the upper body strength to do it. The result? I fell. And naturally, being lacking in upper body strength, I couldn't...

My shoulders ache from community work. My arms ache from catching kids during trust games. My upper back hurts from community work. My lower back aches from having poor posture so much. My legs ache because they're all tight from standing all day on Thursday. It's ok, though.

I nearly ran out of gym tonight. In all seriousness, I don't think anybody realised what was going on. All the kids were excited and noisy, and I was trying to run conditioning and they kept having conversations,...

I want to post in my blog.
I want to watch all my T.V. shows.

I really want to go the fuck to bed.

Normally I stay up late Thursdays (like until past 2am) and catch up on all my T.V. shows. But it turns out that I did physical work most of the day today, which I haven't done for a while, and I'm fucking exhausted.

Also I had to get up at 7am which was another rude shock to the system.

I DON'T WANT TO GO COLD CALLING ON TUESDAY. I...