it's kinda as if indigo is dead as if she died and i'm standing in her place. it's kinda weird now but i like it. it's as if everyone is mourning the death of indigo even me, but at the same time it's good cuz Xander is a better person then indigo could ever be. as i was watching my hair fall of my head it felt as if i was being reborn and as if this time i was born right. each chunk of hair a peice of me i no longer felt i needed to hold on to. live was good as a girl but life as a boy is the best...

damn... wow there are no words for how amazing i feel right now. i can't believe this! i feel wonderful and almost whole right now i have told everyone except for my dad and friends. i am just so happy i can't even dicribe how happy i am that my moms and my brother acept me my older brother is having trouble but i cna't excpect them to get this right off the bat. wow i just can't stop smiling it just feels so good to have my mom call me he. i chose my new name today it's alexander so if u want u...

Well in the pysch ward it sucks here im on suicide watch i have like no freedom i am in therapy most of the day. i need to be here

I can't continue living like this... There is no point living... The past week has been my hardest in a long time and I just want to give up. I'm barely getting 3 hours of sleep and I just want to go into a permanent eternal slumber. Not like anyone would miss me for more than a few days... Most of the people that tell me to continue and move forward, they know what it's like to feel like I do... You know how much I want to give up, how much I want to hurt myself, how much I just don't want to continue,...

For those of you who are interested (or who follow my blog), I'm currently in hospital. And doing better.

I've been put on quetiapine and I'm only allowed off-ward with a staff escort.

I should be out within the next 7 - 10 days.

Happy posting, I'll write more then.

For the past couple of days each and every time someone says she, her,or girl I cringe. Forcing my voice to sound normal I answer them but what I really want to do is scream at them that I'm not a she or a her hell I'm not even a girl. I'm a boy just a normal bisexual male. I can't wait for Tuesday so I can get this feeling to stop, but at the same time I'm dreading it the anxiety is eatting away at my soul. I'm still having the dreams and each morning its harder and harder to make myself get out...

Not pregnant!
Well, I have another test to take when I get back from my trip, just in case I messed up the dates and it was too early for the test. But I'm pretty sure I haven't.

Gonna be at the air port at 5am tomorrow morning. I'm so scared. I'm kind of excited. But I'm more scared. Because he'll be there and I thought maybe we could be civil or even friendly just for the trip but now I know that he actually hates me. :s

I'm going to miss my guinea pig....

i woke up this morning from another dream and in it i was a boy. when i had fully woken up and relized i wasn't a boy i wanted so badly to be a boy that i actully became one. JK i can only wish. but i did relize that i could become boy, but... frist i have to do the most terriefing thing in my life. come out to my friends and my family. i now know the only way to become what i am on the inside on the outside i will have to show the world who i really am. so slowly with very small babysteps i'm...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of dealing with triggers in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (BST), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EDT), and the third will be held at 8pm Pacific US...

I'm really scared. I have this stupid fear that I'm pregnant. I'm on the pill. I've been taking it correctly. I'm pretty sure that I've waited the right amount of time. I'm so scared though. I need to get a test, to put my mind at rest. Because if I am then I'm screwed. He's left me. I can't do it on my own. But I can't be. But I'm so scared that I am. :s I'm probably making it up, aren't I? I can't feel pregnant yet? I shouldn't be able to tell yet unless I use a test. I'm being stupid. But I'm...