I too have been diagnosed with some disorders consisting of bipolar,ocd, general anxiety disorder and adhd. And all I can say is thank God that I am who I am. I am positive that life would be boring without it! Sure, I have gone through some rotten things but so have you and probably the person next to you. We are not the only ones who have problems! Instead of dwelling on them and giving ourselves self pity, lets stare it back in the face and say "I don't need you to hold me back anymore"....

I don't want to do this anymore.
I want to crawl back to ED, and back to the blade and beg for forgiveness. I want to feel the sting and burning of my flesh being sliced open. I want to feel the low hum and diziziness of hunger.
I want this to end. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to struggle anymore. I'm done.
Just kill me off, and end my pain & suffering.

It's still morning by approximately thirteen minutes, and will therefore probably be afternoon by the time I finish writing this.

I texted my little brother to wish him a happy birthday, and later on today I'll have to post on my cousin Alex's facebook page to do the same thing. Welcome to September, in my family, the next five weeks are birthday season. Oh great.

I'm wearing pyjama pants and daytime t-shirts lol. (My little brother just replied and said Ta, that was...

I went to bed to sleep around about 11pm, and dropped off relatively quickly. Barely 3 hours later, I wake up because my left shoulder joint is in an excruciating amount of pain. It won't click, no movement to different position helped. Some moves made the pain worse, but definitely none improved them. I couldn't breathe properly, the pain was so bad that I was panicking and hyperventilating. I got myself to sit up so I could get control of my breathing, which is just as well because I felt like...

why, why do i fell like this world isn't the place for me anymore? Why do i fell like the darkness of the day is taking over the light of the night. Tonight is the night that i say good bye to him. I miss the girl i once was but i know that the person i am isn't right i am not a dark person but now i am . I just wish the darkness i see would go away away from my i wanna smile and be happy again

Just because that requires concentration andd concentration requires alertness and attentiveness and all of those involve not smoking marijuana. So I figured I'd write a blog entry instead, killing time between the early afternoon sesh and the late afternoon sesh.

I was going to play RuneScape and then I remembered that at the moment I'm running back and forth charging fire orbs, which involves running through a dangerous cave with poisonous spiders and if I'm not concentrating I...

So Leisa came over today. It wasn't too bad, she didn't go on about community work, which is a bonus. She just wanted to go over this thing with me which was basically describe your entire life and all related goals - there was stuff about physical health, mental health, living situation, blah di blah di blah. At some point I mentioned the repetitiveness of the questions, and Leisa basically said, you have to remember that these are designed to be done with everyone. Then she goes on and says, "You're...

It strikes me as rather ominous that my probation officer stated, much more than once (in fact it felt like every second or third sentence), that she is worried about me.

Noooooot good. They have the contact details for ICT, and if they're worried, it's quite simple for them to place a phone call and say so. My probation officer (the one for the supervision sentence) is quite a nice lady, but the worry in her eyes is disconcerting. I don't like getting that look from people, it makes...

So my dislike towards this authoritarian system where our privacy rights are being curbed in the name of counter-terrorism has been growing. It was recently provoked by me being treated like a criminal at the airport for having £2,000 "undeclared" on me in cash, travelling within the EU. Firstly, I don't need to declare any amount of money when travelling within the EU, and travelling outside, I can take up to €10,000 (about £8,000 I think) without declaring. Yet they picked on me for...

I want to be able to say I'm happy, and actually mean it. I want to be able to eat a piece of cake, without crying or purging or anything else. I want to not keep finding ways to hurt myself. I slipped up, again. Found another blade, sliced my wrist open. It felt so..amazing. And yet I'm so ashamed. I can't stop wanting to hurt myself. I can't help that I just want to stop breathing, but I don't want to leave E.

I told E that I've only been half-ass trying to recover. I promised I...