I hate feeling like this all I want to do is cut my arm till I die. I feel so alone I cant do this anymore. I have to meet with my guidance counsellor again today after school we met yesterday and I gave her my blades and stuff yesterday and we had a long talk. I told her everything I told her how I was feeling and showed her my arms and stuff. she was really concerned about me. I dont know how much longer I can do all this. I hate feeling like this and I hate myself. I told my counsellor everything...

. . . that on the 21st of September 2012, at 1830hours, Viscus_Aduro achieved 99 Firemaking. First 99, first skillcape. Victory is miiiiiine. Sort of.

Court: took all damn day. Got up at 8:30am, got to court around 9:30am. The general rule with court is as long as you turn up before 11:00am, you'll be okay, because there's simply so many people to see duty solicitors that you have to wait ages. Anyway, by the time I finally got seen by a duty solicitor, it was 11:30am.
...

I gave my guidance counsellor at school my blades and stuff and she said we will talk to me about it after school. I wish I kept them I want to use them so much right now but I guess I did it for the best. I dont understand why I am feeling like this. Maybe I should just end it all so then I dont have to deal with all of this crap.

So I had dinner. Early, but hey, it felt like the right time. 2x cups of broccoli & cauliflower medley (it's what the packet says, I swear), 1x cup of mixed vegetables (peas, carrots, corn beans), 2x slices of bacon. Was. Excellent. I am awesome.

And so far today I have:
-visited probation (and bugged my probation officer for an hour, who is worried about my being high)
-visited New World and bought more junk food
-cooked dinner
-did the few dishes...

I messed up I cut myself alot tonight. I feel so guilty. I have so much going on right now I don't even know how to put it into words all i know is im scared i might not make it through tonight without doing it again.

i think everyone deserves to know the real me so here i go this will be totally honest no lies.
My name is Chantelle i am 16 i am currently struggling with anorexia SH and suicidal thoughts. I meet with a theripist and my guidance counsellor 3 times a week I dont remember the last time I was truly happy. when I say im Fine or im okay the truth is im not i am breaking slowly i have been taking it second by second for the longest time. I hate myself I wish i was never born. I cry myself to sleep...

I feel like a horrible person who should just dissapear I lied to everyone on here i dont understand why everyone is being so nice I dont deserve it I deserve to be hated like I hate myself. I just feel so bad. I have so many things going on right now Im scared if I tell someone they wont believe me. Im a horrible person who everyone should hate. I know what I did was horrible. My world is crashing down I feel so sad i dont know how much longer I can take all this. I dont remember the last time...

So I went to bed at about midnight last night. I slept maybe 4 hours total in all the sleeping I did. Problem is, I feel physically ill - like I need to vomit. I haven't vomitted, but I'll feel better once I do.

So my mental state and how I feel physically at the moment are completely at odds with each other. It's pissing me off. If I don't start to feel better physically soon (because mentally I still feel pretty good), I'm going to go to the doctor. It's possible that I'm anaemic...

Source: Newsletter | Issue 30 | If you would like to receive the full quality HTML version via email please sign up.


TeenHelp Newsletter #30 - September 15th 2012 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, work with our partners and affiliates, details of upcoming...

Here's why: it's already three and a half hours into Sunday. I have yet to shower and go to bed, and probably won't for another hour or more. HOWEVER, Sunday evening, I MUST be in bed by 10:00pm, in order to get up at 5:30am for work on Monday. (Like my casual job, don't want to fuck it up.)

So Sunday, is most likely, going to be a very weirdly short day. And Sunday night, no matter if I sleep or not, I'll be in bed, at least trying. And probably failing but at least I will have given...