Can i get even 2 days of being happy. i was fine for yesterday. But then today 1 bad thing happens and i feel like complete crap. One thing that most people wouldn't start crying about. I hate this. Hate all of this.

The thing that made me feel awful was 1 person yelling at me. Me and my mother were at a birthday party for her best friends daughter. There was a bunch of kids, i had to watch them all. On of them was driving me crazy, i think his name was Mario. I asked him how old...

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well i missed my bus to school this morning cause I slept in and then I had 7 minutes from the time i got up to eat get dressed and stuff to catch my bus. then I fell down the stairs and got a nose bleed. I am just having a shitty day. I found out i have a math test today which i completly forgot about. today has sucked and it is not even noon yet. I am just at my wits end oh yeah and I also forgot my lunch, and homework assignment for math. and I got mad at someone my guidance counsellor and swore...

Ugh. My computer is messing up even worse now. I can't access deviantart anymore, which was very important. It's more than a place for me to look at artwork, I get some good inspiration from there, along with a few ideas for some references for practice.

Practice. Ugh...practicing is tough without some anatomy visuals. I'm about to strangle my anatomy models, I swear. "Can take any pose the human body takes" my ass. They're helpful, but only to an extent. At this rate I'm...

I almost OD last night I wanted to do it so much and i still want to. I have so much going on right now I dont know how to handle it all anymore. killing myself seems like the only way out at the moment. I left history this morning in tears. my guidance counsellor saw me so we rescheduled my appt for today. I might just do it tonite. I just feel so lost so broken hurt worthless and so many other emotions. I just dont know what to do anymore

I am at rock bottom. I need to go cut i...

I'm going to respite on Kolmar Road this afternoon. I've never been there before. I don't know what to expect. Is this too little too late? Am I doing the right thing? Will I be able to behave? Will I end up in hospital again? Will it help? Will I feel better? It's a massive pile of I don't know.

Phones are freaking me out. I was good and attended my supervision appointment though. Caleb was nice to me. I like people who are nice to me. Sometimes it makes things a lot harder but I'd...

I went to see my keyworker, which is probably the smartest decision I've made in days.

I still feel awful and horrible but now it's just the depression doing its . . . thang.

Jens said he saw my whiteboard. He said it was good. I don't know what he meant by "good". Maybe it explained well. Maybe it made sense. I don't know. But I suppose it's positive if a doctor sees your messy-thoughts whiteboard and describes it as "good".

Because...

Hurting myself is my addicition, like any other one. I’ve never done drugs, or drank alcohol or anything like that, but I still can’t stop hurting myself. If it’s not my eating disorder, then its cutting, depression, or it’s something else entirely. Not giving a shit about life, pushing the people I love away, isolation, whatever, I just can’t stop harming myself in one way or another. It’s been this way as long as I can remember…I literally HATE myself. Yes, hate is a strong word, and I mean almost...

Yeah, still there.

Land lady came over. Said she's going to have to give me a written warning, and if it happens again I'm out. It's not happening again. I'm just glad I still have a place to stay.

I just have to wait and see what mental health says I guess.

At least the land lady was fair. She didn't yell at me, she didn't beat around the bush, she just said it like it is. So I've sent Mum another e-mail to explain that I still have a place to stay....

I have a minute amount of glass in my pinky finger. Too small for me to get out, so hopefully it will go away on its own.

I spent most of today walking. I consumed a lot of water, a cup of tea, and a banana. I cleared up the carnage. I walked more. Trish yelled at me and made me feel even worse. Trish isn't even one of my workers, she's one of Sam's, and I don't think she had the right to swear at me, no matter what happened.

The landlord isn't happy. Trish said "we're...