I can't get rid of this feeling, like I don't belong here. My family hate me, they make that clear, I really don't know how to deal with it anymore. I don't want to deal with it, I don't want to be here..

What's the point of being in a place where no one cares, where you're nothing and nothing means anything to you anymore.

I can't make it much longer like this, I just keep thinking of how easy it would be to get rid of it all, and how it would make everything better.

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The danger of admitting you're depressed, is once your brain is aware you're not in denial any longer, it drags you right down to where it wants you to be.

I swing between seriously suicidal with urgent intent to apathetic. And back again. And back again. And again. And again. And I'm so tired, I think soon I will give up and give in. I doubt I will die. It will be listed as serious self-harm, or a failed attempt. Who cares. I might get a good long dreamless sleep out of it.
...

I feel so alone :s I wish I had someone here just to hug me. :/ I feel so lonely and fat and sad.

Alarm goes off this morning, first thing I noticed, it's pissing down with rain. Five hours later, nothing has changed in that regard. Then Leisa rang at about 8am, so I hauled ass out of bed. Ended up being a good thing, I got a free ride to Lambie Dr for my appointment because she was going there and passing our place on the way. So that was nice.

My appointment with Judy. Talking over various things. "So you're depressed." "Well, um, yeah I guess so."
...

Yeah, this morning I feel better. Actually, I usually feel a bit better in the mornings, which I guess would indicate that the quetiapine goes into action over night and reaches a peak serum level 10 - 16 hours after ingestion. I also think this means that perhaps I should ask to be taking something around 3 - 5pm to help me with nights, or something in the morning that would peak in the evening, helping me deal with the distressing thoughts I experience in the evenings.

I went to...

okay, so we were in McDonalds and three of us girls sat down and waited for the two guys to come. The other girls dared me to run up to each of them screaming 'I LOVE YOUUU' and give them a hug. So i did, mainly since it was one of their birthdays. We sat for a while, and when nobody else turned up, we went inside the actual place. They literally sat there for ages, talking dirty, and i just sat there looking out the window like an idiot. I got sick of it, got up (to order my lunch at like two o...

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Well, I think I've almost decided on what I'm doing when Sam moves out. I think I'll stay here on my own. That way, I don't have to worry about anybody else's financial situation, and my own financial situation won't affect anybody else. I think it's wise.

I texted Leisa last night. I'm not entirely sure what the motivation was. It felt really weird to be talking to somebody outside of their working hours, and it was a massive leap outside of my comfort zone. I think I prefer to stay...

Sitting here thinking about everything, realising that I have practically nothing. What's the point when I have no reason to be here anymore. Everything is such a struggle, no one cares anymore, I try to talk to people and get nothing.
There's nothing left for me..nothing that I want anymore..I think it's about time I went