Okay, I'm in a bad mood now. As usual, it's all thanks to mother.

So tonight, I finally got around to getting my traditional Japanese wooden shoes (geta) out of my closet, along with the matching Japanese socks. I put them on, and then I put on the kimono dress Jon bought me. No pants, just the dress, which cuts off just above the knee. Jon has been asking me to try it and see how it looks with the traditional shoes and socks, and I thought it was cute. I went to my mom's room to...

This week has been horrible,i've been in such a bad mood. I have snapped at the people I care about. I've been feeling so bad. They've been really understanding though. This has just been at school, at home my parents think im oh so happy and doing good. But no. Im not. My friends are worried about me. At lunch today I just sat there with my head down, I was almost in tears. My friend L, whenever someone asked whats wrong with me, would just say “She's tired”. I was just gonna sit there and not...

This year has been really hard for me. My dad is really hard on me and he didn't seem to care. I did start cutting and so did my friends. My friends were in this love triangle and I got pulled into it, not wanting to. My dad wanted this perfect daughter that I couldn't be. It felt like he didn't love or care about me. I did think about killing myself. Every time I thought about it, I had to think about what others would think. I still have no idea what kept me here or why I am still here. Then a...

Went to bed at about 11pm last night, because Tristan stayed up talking. He's a nice guy and all, but I was tired and I had a headache. So he went and slept in his car, and I went to bed and slept. For the most part.

Got up at about 10am, pulled on some clothes, had a smoke, and went to probation. Which went alright, but my probation officer said it was obvious that I was tired, and grumpy. Luckily she only made me stay for about 10 minutes, which meant I didn't have to struggle through...

To the point that today I had a fairly massive headache, and could not for the life of me fall asleep and have a short nap to sleep it off. Fml.

Tristan came over. Did his washing, had some food, went and got Luke, returned, left again, they'll be coming back later and we're going to play pool. I'll go, because I don't want to be rude, but in all honesty I feel like somebody bashed my brain.

I'm over feeling like this. Over the exhaustion, over feeling low all the time,...

I wake up around 7 every day, open my door so the cat can leave and go toilet or drink from random places if he so desires, and then get straight back into bed, where I spend the next few hours trying to decide if it's worth getting out of bed, having a drink, eating something, putting on clothes that aren't pyjamas, and rolling a smoke.

Usually I get out of bed around 11, when staying in bed any longer seems slightly ridiculous, and in case somebody comes to visit, I want to look...

So utterly, completely exhausted.
Not very hungry.
Tired.
Fidgetty - I have periods where I can't sit still, even if I try.
Overly social, and then when people go, I slip back into myself.

But I'm so very tired. There's not even any good reason why. I'm getting plenty of sleep, and only having minor nightmares - as in, when I wake up, I know they're just nightmares and they're not affecting me so badly, I can go back to sleep and all.

I'm...

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Just after 9:00pm. I've just had a shower. I shaved my legs today. I also got groceries, a pack of tailies, ate 2 meals, and got exited from Tupu Ake.

So I guess I should explain the last 12 days.

Monday 29th October, after turning off my laptop, I had a smoke, then took a massive overdose. I will not tell you what, I'm not here to help people kill themselves. But I will say that every professional I have spoken to since then has called it a massive overdose.
...

Just got home Sunday night. I had the time of my life with my friends and my boyfriend. Jon and I had tons of people wanting our pictures, it was great. I guess it was a good idea to go as Cloud and Tifa.

Some of the cosplays were really great, and we went to some fun panels. The Miku concert was great, and so was the Mikako Joho concert. And of course, the rave was incredible. However, Nekocon did have its downsides. On Saturday night, when I was in line for the Miku concert, I...