I just want to die. I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I don't see any point anymore for trying, for talking, for smiling, for breathing, or for living. I don't know what else to do, death seems like my only option. It seems to me like the only way out. I just feel so helpless, worthless, alone and so many other emotions and feelings and stuff. I am just so tired of fighting and of being strong. I just don't want to be here anymore. I just can't handle living anymore. Right now the only thing...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of building confidence and self-esteem in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EST), and...

Slept really really well. Probably because by the time I went to bed I was utterly brainfucked, due to that light puzzle in Mourning's End Part II. Slept right through until this morning, when I had a rather strange dream about giving myself a mullet. Probably drawn from me being unsure at the moment whether to grow my hair or get a nice fresh hair cut.

Cooked bacon and egg sandwiches for lunch, then had an apple. Felt pretty good about it. No idea what I'll have for dinner. I feel...

Yes, because I did 3 quests today, and each was worth 2 Quest Points. I'll probably do some more quests tomorrow if the weather continues to be disgusting. It's like finding my RuneScape mojo . . . it wasn't buried very deep, it just took a combination of this weather and having membership to bring it out again.

My appointment with Judy went rather well, next week I get a new prescription so I'll finally be able to pick up my meds from the pharmacy like a normal human. She said...

Because I cannot be bothered thinking of one.

Extreme weather today, out Hobsonville way they had a tornado. Last year there was one in Albany. Reasons to be thankful that I am in South Auckland. (Manurewa, actually, if anybody feels like Google Earth stalking me.) It poured. Torrentially. Surface flooding. Heavy winds. Resultantly, I never got to the gym, because I didn't feel like getting soaked. It's kind of disappointing me that as soon as I have made up my mind to do things,...

Well, the weather is just fantastic lmao. It's pissing down, we've have thunder and lightning too. Pretty fun . . . but it's still humid so it's not cold. Welcome to Auckland's summer, haha.

My probation officer was finally happy with me today. She says I've calmed down a lot. I think that's probably because I've set some goals and I'm committed to achieving them. I really, really want my license back! I haven't been going to the gym, although I want to, because I don't want to get...

I saw C for the first time today. She's the lady that will be my counsellor until January, and then another woman named J is taking over. It kinda sucks that C will only be there until January, because she seems really nice. The only thing I didn't like was the fact that she used the term "self-mutilation" once. I hate that word.

But as I said, she seemed really nice and she is the type of woman to ask questions. I trust her, I really do, but I don't know how much I'll be...

Okay, lets just get to the point.

Recently I've been thinking about leaving TH.

It's great here, and I'd definitely miss it. Things aren't getting better but I think I'm stronger.

I just feel like I don't fit in here anymore.

I don't know.

I dont want to leave! but I feel like I'm getting in the way if i stay. I really don't want to go, though...

Just going through some stuff today, and deciding.
It's not about what I can or cannot do.
It's about what I will do.

I will keep taking my meds.
I will eat healthier.
I will exercise more.
I will put effort into studying, when that time comes.

And most of all,
I will allow myself to succeed.

Disorders or not, I am the only person holding myself back. The reality is, all my friends, and those that work with me,...

Well, things I forgot to mention.

When I was walking up the driveway on the way back from New World yesterday evening, I noticed that one of our neighbours had a giant rubbish bin (you know, those massive metal things that are taller than the majority of humans) sitting prominently and easily accessible in their front yard. Suddenly I clicked. I could put the melted mess that was at one stage a recycling bin in there! I told Sam, and she agreed it was a good idea, and helped me move...