I'll start with Christmas first. It was cool, any other day. I got the clothes I wanted, a lava lamp, season 1 of Law & Order: SVU, Sims, and books. So basically besides family time I was reading Tilt by Ellen Hopkins (Finished it!) and playing Sims all day. It was awesome. And my sister liked the gift I got her. We even got gifts for my niece even though technically she's not here yet. Expect another blog entry when she arrives, and maybe a forum post.

But Christmas Eve? Yesterday...

Was yesterday. Haha, yup, I live in the future for most of you :P

It was a pretty good day. I got up, had a shower, then left for Mum's place. Got off the bus, and got drenched walking from the bus stop to Mum's, to the point that even though my hair is really short, it was literally dripping down on my face.

Got there, PRESENTS! Haha. I asked for chocolate . . . I got . . .
A lava-lamp from my sister (so cool, I've always wanted one but forgot . . . she remembered)....

I want to die. Right now.
I dont fit in
I cant live like this!

I complain about horrendous period pain (it really is, it practically cripples me), and decide I will go to the doctor to get something to help, as regular painkillers just make me hurl, and then, when my period finishes, I completely forget, until I get the next one. And right now I'm laughing at that ridiculous run-on sentence.

On the bright side, I knew it was due around Christmas and I asked everybody for chocolate. The result is that I should be able to handle the sweet food...

After more than two years, it shouldn't affect me anymore. There should be no nostalgia and no regret, because I know so fully that I'm better off without her. I was going through old photos tonight, photos of the two of us. I thought I looked fit, attractive, and well adjusted. I thought SHE looked overweight with bad skin and a slutty dress sense.

I started to question why I still stayed with her, even after she cheated. And I remembered having NO self-esteem whilst I was with her,...

recently, I promised someone I wouldnt cut or hurt myself for a while. Even more recently, it has been a stretch to keep that promise. I find myself tracing old scars and putting haloween tattoos that look like injuries to keep myself from hurting. i have also been dipping tissues in red food die to resemble blood stains... Music and exercise have been my only escapes. I've been eating more normally too, but I know I'm over exercising. I hope Christmas will magically fix my life. I know it wont,...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are three scheduled discussions on the topic of dealing with triggers in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC), the second will be held at 8pm Eastern US time (EST), and the third will be ...

Well three days until christmas...I'm not excited at all :/
I have such a busy week, working christmas eve until 6:30 and the back at work again boxing day at 6:30am -_-. Going to be working all the sales, i've been given a lot more hours than i'm contracted and i've somehow got to fit in revision for my january exams.

Busy, Busy, Busy, Just breathe..

Fat.
Ugly.
Horrible.
Out of place.
Worthless.
Useless.
Fake.
Unfit.
Bland
Unwanted
Unneeded.

In the past two days I have been called all these things and now they are beginning to go to heart. I don't want them to mess up my accomplishments in fixing/stopping SH and ED.

But what is to stop me? the worlds gonna end and I'm not wanted or needed any way...

I get frustrated so easy right now and it's really embarrassing.

First time was like three days ago or something like that. I was in my computer class and we had to troubleshoot our computers, I got frustrated after two seconds and was nearly in tears. I was so done. and Mr. M. noticed and talked to me about it, apologizing and saying how it'd be okay. I knew it would be okay. :/ I was just frustrated.

And today I had to take my art project back to my computer class to...