I hate this room. 4 walls painted red and only one widow. It's too small. Perhaps it's because i'm always in here but, i just want to scream. I can escape but where too? A house that is even more of a prison? The only time it feels like i can escape it when it's warm and rainy or when i hurt myself. Even then it doesn't last long. I know the solution to the problem. It's a work in progress to fix it like most things. Is that an excuse? I don't know. I look forward to Monday though. I hope it goes...

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I'm at the point where silence is loud. And so is darkness. But sometimes, even when i'm listening to music or watching a video, it's too quiet. If that makes sense. Maybe, i've just been in this room too long. And right now, i'm exhausted and want to go to sleep but i don't want to go to bed because i don't want to wake up. And that scares me. But it also sounds nice...To sleep forever. But then, i'd miss out on living. I don't want to die. I just want to sleep till this time of my life is over....

It's all so . . . undecided.
The med run starts tonight. 800mg lithium.
I will be home for it.
Judy told me it will start tonight. I saw her yesterday, she was dropping off some PRN quetiapine. I have 600mg, in 100mg doses. I should take it at some point, I guess, but nobody has told me I have to.

All week I have wanted Leisa. All week. She rang me on Tuesday a couple of times but that was hard for me, because she wanted me to cook and eat, and I didn't want...

I like boys and girls. All my friends know I have no sexual preference. There is just one little problem. Actually a really big problem. My mother. All my life she has told me everyone has to be heterosexual. Gays are going to hell. End of story. But as I started maturing I noticed I wasn't just looking at boys. And now I have accepted that I am bi. How should I tell my mom? Will she still accept me? And is it that important for her to know?

Slowly falling,
Losing sight of all she has accomplished.
Music plays lound in her headphones,
Expressing what she won't say.
She dosn't know how to keep trying,
So she just sits there.
Staring at nothing,
Thinking of what has happened and whats to come.
Her thoughs become crowded,
Until it feels like she has to swim through glue to do anything.
She trys to think of ways to clear her thoughs,
But only knows one way,...

So, random thoughts......I wonder why i'm always so freaking tired even though i sleep plenty. And why i always have headaches. Probably from stress. Food helps though. *noms on pizza* I forgot to tip the delivery guy. Damn. Oooooooh, a kitty! Abby, come here kitty. Nope. >.> Maybe, i'm crazy or something. That'd be nice. Because then i'd be unpredictable. Ok, gonna go watch Resident Evil 4 now and paint my nails. Bye. :-P

It's not quite 9:00am. And I'm still not sure if I'm meant to put my clocks back or forwards an hour this weekend, so I shall google it sometime before Sunday.

My WRAP graduation is this morning. I really need to poop. But I'm waiting for a person to come and drop off my key, and I can't be otherwise occupied OR leave the house until I have my key. My new flatmate moved in yesterday, and her CSW borrowed my key so she could get a copy of it cut, because none of the keys my property...

I wonder if in another life i was some kind of evil queen or elf or something. Because i often find myself thinking of destroying the world and i love heights and climbing trees. The heights and climbing trees thing is suppose to be the evil elf thing. It would be pretty damn cool to have some kind of super strength or power that i haven't discovered yet. Hehe. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way or thinks the same thing. Maybe, we're all just living out another persons life and it's a cycle....

I really, really hate my body at the moment.
It's all wrong. It's too curvy, too girly, too short, not muscly enough.. I can't fix it either. I've been working out, I tried eating right, and I spiral back into binge eating because it makes me feel miserable. I'm never going to get taller. My feet aren't going to grow. Even if I transition I'll still probably not fucking pass because I'm tiny. Which sucks so much.
And at the moment my hair is too girly, my mum won't let me where masculine...