I can’t organise it, it’s a mess. There’s just so much. I don’t know where to start.
I want to go back to those times and tell myself what I know now. I want to talk to the girl who called the kids help line, said sorry, hung up, and then screamed in agony for a few hours because of all the pills she’d taken. I want to tell her that she didn’t need to hurt herself; she needed to care for herself. She didn’t need to apologise; she needed to talk about what was going on, tell the guy on the...

Why? Was I not worth it? Was I just something to be used? Did my childhood mean nothing to anyone? Why didn’t I get a childhood? I don’t even know what it would have looked like. I never had anything like it, so how can I even imagine? What was wrong with me? If they didn’t want children, why did they even try? They brought me into this world to be used, abused and abandoned. All these old stories that they think are meaningless or amusing; to me they’re signs that they should have seen, but missed....

DIE DIE DIE:

I want to die.
I don't want to live anymore.
Is there a difference between the two;
Wanting to die and not wanting to live?

It's really stupid though;
Things are going okay,
I have plans for the future,
I have friends and stuff,
Yet I feel like I'm depressed.
I'm unhappy for no reason.

I have reasons to be happy,
Yet I'm depressed.
It's not right, is it?
It's kind of messed up....