DIE DIE DIE

DIE DIE DIE:

I want to die.
I don't want to live anymore.
Is there a difference between the two;
Wanting to die and not wanting to live?

It's really stupid though;
Things are going okay,
I have plans for the future,
I have friends and stuff,
Yet I feel like I'm depressed.
I'm unhappy for no reason.

I have reasons to be happy,
Yet I'm depressed.
It's not right, is it?
It's kind of messed up.

I should seek help,
But I can't.
Everytime I do,
I lie through my teeth,
About everything from what I'm feeling,
To what my plans are,
To my past.
Or I just stop talking completely,
Not because I want to,
But because I physically cannot say the words:
I am unhappy; I am thinking about killing myself.

Why is that?
I need help; I want help,
But I can't tell anyone that something is wrong.
What the hell is wrong with me.
This is not right, which just adds more to my wanting to kill myself.

But obviously,
I don't really want to kill myself,
Because if I did want to,
I'd be doing it now,
Not whining about it.

So, I'll just sit here in my pain and depression,
And think about killing myself,
And how stupid I am because,
I probably won't actually do it.

Whatever,
How gives a shit anyway.