So, I went back towhat I do best...The things that I stopped for a bit, but I can't handle this anymore...It scares me because I feel like I'm doing so many things wrong. I'm depressed, and I don't want to sleep. But I have to sleep so I can get through work. My best friend lives with me, and she told me that I need professional help, so she is pretty much saying that I'm fucked up in the head. And sorry if my mood changes all of a sudden...I didn't sleep much last night. I really don't know what...

I hate it when people go through and break their promises to you, and they do it while knowing that it's hurting you. Why do people act like that?! Am I really so bad to be around that you need to go and smoke pot so you can deal with me? And if so, then why don't you just break my heart for the 3rd time and get it over with so you can move on in your life. Or do I need to break my own heart and push you away? I'd hate to have to do that, but if it needs to be done, then I'll do it. I hate that...

Lost my kid about a week ago. Stupid miscarriages. That was probably my last chance to get back with that guy. Ugh. I'm stupid. I've been cutting myself again, and I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway. Am I stupid or something? But at least me and my best friend are talking again, and we are looking passed shit. I'm just glad that she and I are talking again. Anyway, sitting here tipsy as hell, tired as fuck, and idk what i'm doing. xD wow, I'm so freakin retarded sometimes, i swear!!! blah. fuck...

Okay, so I guess things are getting better. I wouldn't really be able to tell you too well. It's way to difficult to explain what's been going on these past few days. I'm not even sure. Hell, last night I decided to take 3 different types of meds just so I could sleep. How terrible is that? I just got so sick of not being able to sleep. So I took meds. Not to mention that I'm coming down with a cold, and I have multiple reasons to believe I'm having baby. Yes, at the age of 16. I am no better...

Fuck. I can't get him off my mind. I miss him so much. Why must my emotions not be as numb now that I've seen him? I wanted him to just hold me. I want him to kiss me and just be able to lay in his bed with him again. I miss it all. What the hell is my problem? I don't want him back, but I miss everything that I had with him. I want him to text me back, to start flirting with me again. Why can I not get over him now? I don't get it. I don't understand myself at the moment. Lexi and Brittany are...

I find \my head very confining. I never really think everything out until I am typing, ranting, or writing. It's terrible. I hate it. I don't know about anybody else out there, but it just sucks. I hate feeling numb. I hate that I feel ignored. I feel like I'm going to cry, but nothing seems to happen no matter what I feel like. What is so freakin wrong with me that I must sit here, at the library, typing on the computer to get my thoughts out? And the worst part is that I never know what I am going...

Well, my dad is back up to his old shit, and I'm pissed. Scared the fuck out of me and whatever. I don't know what to do. Why muct a father molest/rape their children? Who the hell knows. I thought for sure that he was completely done with that shit, but I was very very wrong. What am I supposed to do? I'm still trying to get over being raped by this guy that I knew for two years. He raped me for a year. I never told anybody how long. But once I told somebody, I other people found out. It's scary...

Well, I thought my dads house was going to get better, turns out I was completely and utterly wrong. -.- My brother ditched me with my baby brother, im at the library to be on here, and Cameron keeps pulling the cords and screaming and touching everything. 2 year olds are realy starting to piss me off. I'm bored as shit, and I hate it when little kids don't stop crying. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going insane. My nightmares are getting so much worse then I thought they could, and worse, I...

I want to get away from here right now. I am so sick of HIM. He came back again last night. I already have insomnia, he's just making it worse. I've tried to do everytbing I possibly can to keep him out. The fucking snow was helping for awhile. Should I just runaway from all of this? Cuz I'm ready too. Would that be a good thing? I think it would be alot of the time. And the thought of it just makes me want to do it more and more. I want to be happy and not have to be afraid for the rest of my life....