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Posted October 3rd 2009 at 05:32 PM by omg.megan
I totally feel like a bitch right now.
Last night I had an argument with my roomate and, as always, things got a bit out of hand and I actually ended up making her cry. Okay, crying is just crying you might be thinking but when you know that she cries because of you and ONLY because of you, yeah - not cool.
She wanted the truth, sure, but somehow my truth always hurts more than I want it to. Am I that harsh with my words ? Ugh, I dunno...but I seriously need to learn how to be honest without being hurtful, not for my sake but for the sake of others. The worse part of it all is that right now, I don't feel guilty for saying the things I said, because I meant them, honestly, I did. Am I a horrible person for that ? Cause I should be feeling a wee bit of guilt right now, no ? Well, I don't. I regret making her cry but eh, I dunno.
I hate myself soooo fucking much sometimes though. I'm honestly trying to do good, not to go back to my old ways but sometimes I just wish things would go back to the way they were. At least, people would have a good enough reason to hate me and leave me all alone. I wouldn't mind. Okay, I probably don't mean that right now, I don't actually want to go back, destroying my 5 weeks clean pattern but eh, it's hard.
Why drugs ?
People ask all the time. Why ?
Because of the feeling od liberation, the escape you get from your crappy existence, even if it's just for a few hours...for the thrill of risking your life everytime you take something in. Risk. A possibility of accidental death, OD or whatever.
Not that I want to die, I don't.
Anyway, I'll not go further into that( I don't want to trigger anyone or myself ). Sorry for the immensly depressing blog entry :x
Much love,
- Megan
BTW: I am part of the many people that miss Holly right now, after 2 days. How can you not miss that girl !? <33
Last night I had an argument with my roomate and, as always, things got a bit out of hand and I actually ended up making her cry. Okay, crying is just crying you might be thinking but when you know that she cries because of you and ONLY because of you, yeah - not cool.
She wanted the truth, sure, but somehow my truth always hurts more than I want it to. Am I that harsh with my words ? Ugh, I dunno...but I seriously need to learn how to be honest without being hurtful, not for my sake but for the sake of others. The worse part of it all is that right now, I don't feel guilty for saying the things I said, because I meant them, honestly, I did. Am I a horrible person for that ? Cause I should be feeling a wee bit of guilt right now, no ? Well, I don't. I regret making her cry but eh, I dunno.
I hate myself soooo fucking much sometimes though. I'm honestly trying to do good, not to go back to my old ways but sometimes I just wish things would go back to the way they were. At least, people would have a good enough reason to hate me and leave me all alone. I wouldn't mind. Okay, I probably don't mean that right now, I don't actually want to go back, destroying my 5 weeks clean pattern but eh, it's hard.
Why drugs ?
People ask all the time. Why ?
Because of the feeling od liberation, the escape you get from your crappy existence, even if it's just for a few hours...for the thrill of risking your life everytime you take something in. Risk. A possibility of accidental death, OD or whatever.
Not that I want to die, I don't.
Anyway, I'll not go further into that( I don't want to trigger anyone or myself ). Sorry for the immensly depressing blog entry :x
Much love,
- Megan
BTW: I am part of the many people that miss Holly right now, after 2 days. How can you not miss that girl !? <33
Total Comments 1
Comments
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Awww, you're too cute. I miss you so much beautiful! <3Posted October 12th 2009 at 06:13 PM by Hollifire
