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[triggering ? ]Oh crappy days, oh crappy days...
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Posted September 9th 2009 at 11:35 PM by omg.megan
Not a good day for me, got into a fight with one of my best friend cause she thinks I'm lying to her again.
I got majorly pissed cause I am actually NOT lying this time, I don't get why she can't get pass that and just believe me for once ! Ugh.
It's been 28 days since I last took anything, which is kind of a biggie for me, so of this I am very proud. I'm clean, totally and utterly CLEAN !
The worse part is she's making me feel like a total scumbag for what I have made people around me go through when I wasn't all that clean. She purposely mentioned the scar I have on my left shoulder-blade, the one reminder of some of my darkest days ; she mentions ! What the hell !? That scar I got when I was on something and had totally lost it. I was so screwed that night that I dug my nails into my skin, scratching some flesh off cause it seemed logic for me to dig like that into my own skin (I "had" to get something out apparently). I awoke to bloody sheets and disgusting nails, it was really scary. I felt horrible, especially when I heard all the other things I had done that night.
Anyway, it was a moment in life where I wasn't really all that well and all I wanted to do is forget it, don't think of how much I scared the crap out of the people that cared for me or how low I was then...but, the scar won't dissapear, it can't and therefore, a constant reminder of the night.
"You know what drugs have done to you Megan, I hope you're not putting me through all that crap you made me go through...I won't care anymore if you are that unconsiderate, if you don't take care of yourself, I won't bother."
!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Christ, I have been doing good for the past weeks or so, what's wrong with her making me feel like crap all over again ?
Blah blah blah, she's not helping AT ALL, I might as well screw up all over again, she won't be obliged to care anymore and she'll be happy. I like to go out, so what ? Doesn't mean I started drugs all over again. I won't, I don't want to and am really struggling not to.
Eh. She pisses me off.
Much Love,
- Megan
I got majorly pissed cause I am actually NOT lying this time, I don't get why she can't get pass that and just believe me for once ! Ugh.
It's been 28 days since I last took anything, which is kind of a biggie for me, so of this I am very proud. I'm clean, totally and utterly CLEAN !
The worse part is she's making me feel like a total scumbag for what I have made people around me go through when I wasn't all that clean. She purposely mentioned the scar I have on my left shoulder-blade, the one reminder of some of my darkest days ; she mentions ! What the hell !? That scar I got when I was on something and had totally lost it. I was so screwed that night that I dug my nails into my skin, scratching some flesh off cause it seemed logic for me to dig like that into my own skin (I "had" to get something out apparently). I awoke to bloody sheets and disgusting nails, it was really scary. I felt horrible, especially when I heard all the other things I had done that night.
Anyway, it was a moment in life where I wasn't really all that well and all I wanted to do is forget it, don't think of how much I scared the crap out of the people that cared for me or how low I was then...but, the scar won't dissapear, it can't and therefore, a constant reminder of the night.
"You know what drugs have done to you Megan, I hope you're not putting me through all that crap you made me go through...I won't care anymore if you are that unconsiderate, if you don't take care of yourself, I won't bother."
!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Christ, I have been doing good for the past weeks or so, what's wrong with her making me feel like crap all over again ?
Blah blah blah, she's not helping AT ALL, I might as well screw up all over again, she won't be obliged to care anymore and she'll be happy. I like to go out, so what ? Doesn't mean I started drugs all over again. I won't, I don't want to and am really struggling not to.
Eh. She pisses me off.
Much Love,
- Megan
Total Comments 3
Comments
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I'm so proud of you for being clean!!! *dances* That's an amazing achievement, really. <3
Stay strong beautiful. Don't let other people get you down. Sure you've made mistakes in the past, but they're in the past for a reason.
I have friends like that too, that like to be bitches and bring up shit I used to do. It's completely uncalled for, but people do it.
Hang in there. Keep your head up. <3
iloveyou
xxPosted September 10th 2009 at 02:03 AM by Hollifire
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You're the sweetest Holly darling.
ILY, ILY & oh, did I say that...ILY! <3Posted September 10th 2009 at 03:09 AM by omg.megan
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Yusss.
Too bad I love you more.
Posted September 10th 2009 at 04:27 AM by Hollifire
