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Posted August 26th 2009 at 05:37 AM by omg.megan
Bleh!
First post ; not something I enjoy.
I guess we could say I'm not really into the whole new beginning thing.
...
Oh well, we all have to do stuff we don't really like so I'm therefore not an exception in that case.
The problem with a new beginning is : where to start?
I’ve been living for 16 years now. I could obviously tell you guys all about myself, my story – basically tell you my whole god damn life! But that wouldn’t be really enjoyable wouldn’t it?
No.
I know what people like ; the good stuff, the secrets, the dish, the dirt...anything that can be controversial really.
For all you dirt diggers out there, don’t worry you’ll have you’re fair share of dirty stories (no sexual reference eh!) and situations best avoided.
I think I attract these kind of things.
Anyway, I’ll be straight-forward and tell only the crunchy stuff.
My childhood was not the typical childhood. I lived with my dad who was never home because he dreaded to see my brother and I. My brother and I both have a different mother, but I never see mine much.
I was basically never imposed any limits and had freedom that should have never been given to me...that freedom made me grow up to fast.
Drinking out of the rhum bottle at only 8 years old with my cousin, laughing and staying out late into the night when we had school the next day. My father would come home at 2 am every night and would still be sleeping when I would make sure that my brother would get ready for school the next morning. My brother is older but weirdly, I've always been the one that takes care of him. Not that I did a great job at that...but lets not go into that.
Unusual lifestyle?
Let’s just say you learn to adapt quickly when you are forced to do so.
Like I mentioned further up in my post : freedom comes with responsibilities, which I have not and probably never will have a grasp on.
My teenage years were a disaster. Literally.
Insecure and a daredevil at heart, I took risks that brought me too close to death. I thought I was invincible, that nothing could get to me. I was wrong, majorly wrong.
From age 12-15 I was dragged in and out of the local youth detention center and hospital.
Terrible, truly was. These places are not like how people imagine them, they are way worse. I'll try to tell you guys about it one day.
But the reason why I ended up in this situation is because I messed up, got caught up in some shit and fell to the ground, hard. Really hard.
I knew that everytime I would go on an acid or ecstasy trip, I was dissapointing the people that loved me but I couldn't help myself.
The warm feeling that invaded my whole body was just so addictive, I needed it and it still gives me chills to only talk about it.
I was a let down to everyone (including myself) and was labeled as so, no turning back.
But don't worry, I'm not the same girl now.
I believe that people can change and am trying to. Especially since I am living on my own now and that the next time I mess up no more juvie centers. It's the real deal, the one you don't want to have to live through.
I have tried seeing a psycologist every week, I even had group therapy when things started to get cramped up.
I'm not a fan of group therapy so I've not been going lately. I don't HAVE to go now anyway so why bother?
Let's just say that this blog is kind of like my group therapy. It gives me a way to voice my emotions and not to keep everything inside. I'm a very emotional person that needs to vent and use the proper techniques to let go, healthy ways to do so. I need to stop harming myself and my peers. Shit. I'm writing like a f*cking therapist again. Their crap is getting to me, brainwashing to its most powerful.
Ugh.
Don't know who'll be reading this but I will love you forever if you do and actually enjoy it.
You may even leave a comment, who knows!
Toodles,
- Megan
First post ; not something I enjoy.
I guess we could say I'm not really into the whole new beginning thing.
...
Oh well, we all have to do stuff we don't really like so I'm therefore not an exception in that case.
The problem with a new beginning is : where to start?
I’ve been living for 16 years now. I could obviously tell you guys all about myself, my story – basically tell you my whole god damn life! But that wouldn’t be really enjoyable wouldn’t it?
No.
I know what people like ; the good stuff, the secrets, the dish, the dirt...anything that can be controversial really.
For all you dirt diggers out there, don’t worry you’ll have you’re fair share of dirty stories (no sexual reference eh!) and situations best avoided.
I think I attract these kind of things.
Anyway, I’ll be straight-forward and tell only the crunchy stuff.
My childhood was not the typical childhood. I lived with my dad who was never home because he dreaded to see my brother and I. My brother and I both have a different mother, but I never see mine much.
I was basically never imposed any limits and had freedom that should have never been given to me...that freedom made me grow up to fast.
Drinking out of the rhum bottle at only 8 years old with my cousin, laughing and staying out late into the night when we had school the next day. My father would come home at 2 am every night and would still be sleeping when I would make sure that my brother would get ready for school the next morning. My brother is older but weirdly, I've always been the one that takes care of him. Not that I did a great job at that...but lets not go into that.
Unusual lifestyle?
Let’s just say you learn to adapt quickly when you are forced to do so.
Like I mentioned further up in my post : freedom comes with responsibilities, which I have not and probably never will have a grasp on.
My teenage years were a disaster. Literally.
Insecure and a daredevil at heart, I took risks that brought me too close to death. I thought I was invincible, that nothing could get to me. I was wrong, majorly wrong.
From age 12-15 I was dragged in and out of the local youth detention center and hospital.
Terrible, truly was. These places are not like how people imagine them, they are way worse. I'll try to tell you guys about it one day.
But the reason why I ended up in this situation is because I messed up, got caught up in some shit and fell to the ground, hard. Really hard.
I knew that everytime I would go on an acid or ecstasy trip, I was dissapointing the people that loved me but I couldn't help myself.
The warm feeling that invaded my whole body was just so addictive, I needed it and it still gives me chills to only talk about it.
I was a let down to everyone (including myself) and was labeled as so, no turning back.
But don't worry, I'm not the same girl now.
I believe that people can change and am trying to. Especially since I am living on my own now and that the next time I mess up no more juvie centers. It's the real deal, the one you don't want to have to live through.
I have tried seeing a psycologist every week, I even had group therapy when things started to get cramped up.
I'm not a fan of group therapy so I've not been going lately. I don't HAVE to go now anyway so why bother?
Let's just say that this blog is kind of like my group therapy. It gives me a way to voice my emotions and not to keep everything inside. I'm a very emotional person that needs to vent and use the proper techniques to let go, healthy ways to do so. I need to stop harming myself and my peers. Shit. I'm writing like a f*cking therapist again. Their crap is getting to me, brainwashing to its most powerful.
Ugh.
Don't know who'll be reading this but I will love you forever if you do and actually enjoy it.
You may even leave a comment, who knows!
Toodles,
- Megan
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