I feel soooooooooo huge and obese I literally feel heavy an like crazy overweight although I'm underweight medically .

My ED(eating disorder) tells me beat everyone at their own game and prove that you are not weak an can actually accomplish something that you can be more

And to feel better I have be toned and fit and have no flab ED says, also it tells me that I could
More and prove how strong I amm with things by loosing weight,I know so I feel ED is right...

Holidays are my EDs dominant and most powerful trigger and usually on holidays I can't relax or enjoy myself at all and am very antsy and panicky and uptight mostly because holidays mean food and eating in front of others and there being alot of tempting food .

So I am nervous and scared about upcoming Xmas and not sure how I will be dealing with having to eat more in front of my entire family and ESP since I'm on exercise restriction and that's my number 2 big stressor recently ...

One of the things for work I need is a doc satement my supervisor an others are worried about my health and don't want me to overdo anything and for safety reasons.

I have to have it in soon or I could be fired which is not a good thing so stressed with makin that work out number 1 stressor recently and it also makes me nervous so that's why I use ED so strongly to cope.


As ED is my coping method for so long andafter eating I usually exercise to calm down...

I can't stand to keep fighting my ED it has so much power over me and I feel like I'm drowning
In pain while ED laughs and gleeful im hurting An no control powerless sighs


Ed hates me and wants me dead tells me that is the way to to be thin is is the greatest way to be
And all. I'm not able to get rid of my Ed on my own I feel so powerless and helpless while Ed laughs laughs and says it won't ever let me go and it will destroy me as a mission

Anyone know how best to cope with depression???
Ive been depressed an it has been to the point where i cry alot an the depression makes eating disorder recovery that much harder !!!!
And it recks havoc with my relationships sometimes depression

it really helps to have a good support system

I have been doing not so well recovery wise for ed , im going to do treatment for 6 months
only then after that im going to be probably done with treatment !!!!!!!!!!

So i am truly comitted to recovery i really
am and i want to get better i dont like being sick i loath that and i dont want attention by staying sick !!! i honestly want to get better soon really!!!

I fight hard for ed recovery

an doing my best to get better for me and...

I feel like my life has been feeling so out of control
lately I'm getting worried and im trying to at least get some control over my life back!!!


There had been alot going on this whole summer,but it is still a summee where im growing im maturing into a young women but also learning lifes little lessons to!!!!


I had been involved in a car accident on Aug 4th

I was not driving but i was walking then i dicide
to go home...

Hey,
what a busy day , I had just started my last semster of classes since i am a senior, last night due to stress I threw up(im srry) hard as might tryed not to , i could not control that . Im srry, i like all my classes and what not but the year is goin to be rough.im excited to graduate in a few months.:):):D

ive had a great resting day today an did not eat much all day just lunch im srry and good news i have not NOT cut!!!!

Hey,
Well i am loving this site and it really helps me so much, and thanks to everyone who has reached out to me on this site, it is greatly apperciated .I am today trying to get through and eat all three meals without cutting or purging , so wish me luck!!!!!I will update you all later on my day today and see if i get through.:)


Hey everyone I did it I ate all three meals and did not purge or cut or punish me at all , I am so proud of me I really am so proud of me ,...