Omg I feel huge crysssss and I can't stand my body

I feel soooooooooo huge and obese I literally feel heavy an like crazy overweight although I'm underweight medically .

My ED(eating disorder) tells me beat everyone at their own game and prove that you are not weak an can actually accomplish something that you can be more

And to feel better I have be toned and fit and have no flab ED says, also it tells me that I could
More and prove how strong I amm with things by loosing weight,I know so I feel ED is right

I need to have be better and prove my self and to feel proud of myself an feel like someone I need to loose weight, ED excited when I hurt myself ib the process ethier physically or emotionally .

ED gives me the safety net and peace also the control I despartly seek over me and my life,I dont want to always have to be so hard on me or be troubled

I despartly still want to be just happy and free from my OCD and ED and troubles to not care about my weight or to be actually enjoying food

Eveery time I eat my ED tells me o goodness you fatty you need to work out asap to make up for your mistake or ED says you bitch you lost control now you have to make things right now or I will make you or people are watching you piggy

Sighs crysss and bangs head on wall me the logical so weak under the ED bully