i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this

Haven't used this for a while, but since the journal on my HDD was killed in action during the wipe, screw this, I'm postin' stuff here.

I usually try not to complain about my family. Nobody's perfect, I know that, and people have much worse situations than I have. And generally complaining never makes me feel better, so it feels pointless. Right now however, what's happening is slowly becoming a long, sad farse.

Some time ago my grandgrandma decided she's going to give...

Okay, so apparently it's totally okay to be a friend under somebody's care and watchful eye. And when they're nice and fun and shit. But when you need something, people you put your heart and mind in mysteriously vanish, bothered with more important bussiness or people.

I feel like I expect and demand too much from people and get attached too quickly and strongly. I fell in that trap few times before, but I somehow never felt as bad as I do now.

I started wondering if maybe...

I'm just
Fucking
Done with that shit

It's been a while since I added anything... A longer one, at that.
During that time, there was some things happening. Many of them were intensive as fuck, both in positive and negative sense of this word. There was a lot that has been said, even more that was thought, and far too little really done.

Words
Thoughts
Actions
There's a difference. One cannot substitute the other, in no way. Sometimes it's all that is possible, but it's just not enough....

The day you were born was a wonderful day for our family.


Our parents were so happy that they at last got a son.


They were all smiling, laughing, crying from happiness.


I wish I could hold you. I wish I could tell you how important you were.


I wish I could love you like they loved you.


But I've never been given a chance.


I was there nonetheless.


...