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Here is a blog about my life
Old

How come

Posted September 28th 2012 at 03:47 PM by monkey01 (Chantelle's Blog)

How come I feel like this how come people are so rude to me. I cant handle this anymore. I just feel so low. Someone said to me on here that I am attention seeking I am not doing this for attention this is how I feel. no one understands me. I just cant do this anymore. I just feel so alone and all these other feelings all at once and I cant handle them all anymore. I just cant how come life is just so unfair to me. I feel like I dont deserve to be happy. I feel like everyone would be better off...
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trying to be strong
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 302 Comments 2 monkey01 is offline
Old

TIRED

Posted September 25th 2012 at 04:18 PM by monkey01 (Chantelle's Blog)

I am so sad today i am tired of hanging on everyone says the know i can do it cause I dont think I can. everyone is telling me to stay strong well it is hard to be strong. I keep on caving I keep on giving in to the thoughts and I dont want to but the urges are just so bad and they just keep on getting worse. I am trying so hard to hang on for everyone else but I just dont want to do it anymore. I have never been this sad the urges have never been this bad. I just want to give in. I am tired of...
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trying to be strong
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 284 Comments 0 monkey01 is offline
Old

struggling

Posted September 22nd 2012 at 11:08 PM by monkey01 (Chantelle's Blog)
Updated September 22nd 2012 at 11:37 PM by monkey01

I am really struggling i want to hurt myself so much. i am supposed to meet with my guidance counsellor again monday morning but i dont know if i can make it through today let alone make it till monday. I cannot do this life is just to hard. im ready to call it quits once and for all. Nobody understands the just say it will get better well it wont get better it never will. I AM JUST DONE. i guess life is just giving me what i deserve. but i dont need this i dont need anyone. no one needs me. i am...
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trying to be strong
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 261 Comments 0 monkey01 is offline
Old

I HATE THIS

Posted September 21st 2012 at 04:38 PM by monkey01 (Chantelle's Blog)

I hate feeling like this all I want to do is cut my arm till I die. I feel so alone I cant do this anymore. I have to meet with my guidance counsellor again today after school we met yesterday and I gave her my blades and stuff yesterday and we had a long talk. I told her everything I told her how I was feeling and showed her my arms and stuff. she was really concerned about me. I dont know how much longer I can do all this. I hate feeling like this and I hate myself. I told my counsellor everything...
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trying to be strong
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 267 Comments 1 monkey01 is offline
Old

CRAP

Posted September 20th 2012 at 05:22 PM by monkey01 (Chantelle's Blog)

I gave my guidance counsellor at school my blades and stuff and she said we will talk to me about it after school. I wish I kept them I want to use them so much right now but I guess I did it for the best. I dont understand why I am feeling like this. Maybe I should just end it all so then I dont have to deal with all of this crap.
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trying to be strong
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 271 Comments 1 monkey01 is offline
Old

Messed up (Possibly triggering)

Posted September 20th 2012 at 02:26 AM by monkey01 (Chantelle's Blog)
Updated October 11th 2012 at 06:07 PM by Palmolive (Adding triggering prefix)

I messed up I cut myself alot tonight. I feel so guilty. I have so much going on right now I don't even know how to put it into words all i know is im scared i might not make it through tonight without doing it again.
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trying to be strong
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 462 Comments 1 monkey01 is offline
Old

The Real Me

Posted September 19th 2012 at 02:52 AM by monkey01 (Chantelle's Blog)
Updated September 19th 2012 at 04:11 PM by monkey01

i think everyone deserves to know the real me so here i go this will be totally honest no lies.
My name is Chantelle i am 16 i am currently struggling with anorexia SH and suicidal thoughts. I meet with a theripist and my guidance counsellor 3 times a week I dont remember the last time I was truly happy. when I say im Fine or im okay the truth is im not i am breaking slowly i have been taking it second by second for the longest time. I hate myself I wish i was never born. I cry myself to sleep...
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trying to be strong
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 324 Comments 6 monkey01 is offline
Old

Horrible

Posted September 18th 2012 at 05:28 PM by monkey01 (Chantelle's Blog)
Updated September 18th 2012 at 05:35 PM by monkey01

I feel like a horrible person who should just dissapear I lied to everyone on here i dont understand why everyone is being so nice I dont deserve it I deserve to be hated like I hate myself. I just feel so bad. I have so many things going on right now Im scared if I tell someone they wont believe me. Im a horrible person who everyone should hate. I know what I did was horrible. My world is crashing down I feel so sad i dont know how much longer I can take all this. I dont remember the last time...
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trying to be strong
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 302 Comments 5 monkey01 is offline
Old

just done (possibly triggering)

Posted August 16th 2012 at 04:08 PM by monkey01 (Chantelle's Blog)
Updated August 16th 2012 at 06:55 PM by Palmolive (Adding triggering prefix and removing weight numbers)

i'm just done i cant take this anymore i feel so alone chelseys gone my life is falling apart its a year tomorrow since my little brother killed himself he was 11 and it was my fault that he died ive never told anyone this but last thing i ever said to him was that he was a worthless peice of crap who no one loves or could ever love so do us all a favor and kill yourself no one would miss you we had a fight i never meant it but i can never take it back. its been almost a year since i started cutting...
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trying to be strong
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 301 Comments 2 monkey01 is offline
Old

dont know

Posted August 15th 2012 at 05:31 PM by monkey01 (Chantelle's Blog)

to be honest i dont want to die i just want to see chelsey i think its finally hit me that i'll never see chelsey again. i went to her funeral it was a open casket she doesn't even look like herself i had to leave and come home i couldn't handle it. i just miss her so much. i should be dead not her. its my fault she was there when the drunk driver was there i told her to come home cause i needed her if she didnt leave then she wouldn't of been there to get hit. i miss her and i just don't know what...
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trying to be strong
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 257 Comments 3 monkey01 is offline
 
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