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panic attacks (trig & strong language)
Posted December 5th 2013 at 01:33 AM by Lumos.
Everyone keeps saying "oh it'll get better" and i just think thats bullshit because it never will for me. I will always be fucked up. I've realized that, truthfully, i don't see myself living past 2014. i really don't. I just wish that it would be from a non self inflicted cause because maybe it won't hurt everyone as much but then i don't want it to be from anything other than my self because it seems worse to me.
I thought the panic attacks were done, but then guess what happened tonight. it was one of the worst yet, and i'm glad i was home alone since the voices were screaming and all i could do was lay there and cry. I'm still really panicky and i don't even know what to do. i was even in a bit better mood than i have been. I guess even trying to feel better makes me feel like shit. i texted my best friend and all she said was 'i'm sorry' and 'maybe lay down?'. That doesn't help me, I know she was trying but i shouldn't have even told her..
My mum told me about a week ago that she noticed something was wrong and i just lied again. I didn't even want to that time, it was just an automatic reaction. I could've told her everything, i think i would've been checked into a hospital or yelled at by her. Yelling would make me feel worse. But oh well, its probably better that i keep everything to myself.
I just wish this all would stop, i wish i could be happy, i wish i didn't have to lie to everyone i care about. i wish i could just end it all already
I thought the panic attacks were done, but then guess what happened tonight. it was one of the worst yet, and i'm glad i was home alone since the voices were screaming and all i could do was lay there and cry. I'm still really panicky and i don't even know what to do. i was even in a bit better mood than i have been. I guess even trying to feel better makes me feel like shit. i texted my best friend and all she said was 'i'm sorry' and 'maybe lay down?'. That doesn't help me, I know she was trying but i shouldn't have even told her..
My mum told me about a week ago that she noticed something was wrong and i just lied again. I didn't even want to that time, it was just an automatic reaction. I could've told her everything, i think i would've been checked into a hospital or yelled at by her. Yelling would make me feel worse. But oh well, its probably better that i keep everything to myself.
I just wish this all would stop, i wish i could be happy, i wish i didn't have to lie to everyone i care about. i wish i could just end it all already
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