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nightmares (trig)
Posted August 21st 2013 at 04:47 AM by Lumos.
well here i am again. writing another blog post that no one cares about.
The ups and downs are getting worse, some days my thoughts race and i can't think and i hear a lot of voices at once in my head, taunting me, bullying me. telling me that no one cares, and no one wants me to be around, that i'm ugly and worthless. Other days, i don't want to do anything don't want to get out of bed or talk to anyone. the voices are still there just one at a time and softer, telling me if i kill myself everyone will be happy and bad things will happen if i don't hurt or kill myself. i'm starting to believe them and i fight them i really do but theres only a certain amount of fighting i can do before i want to surrender. last night i stole alcohol and drank until i couldn't hear the voices anymore. it was the only time i could think straight.
i've started getting nightmares about seeing my friends commit suicide or people who i care about getting injured. I'm afraid to sleep because of them. I stay up as long as i can because i can bare to see any more dreams like that, my family and friends being tortured, or seeing them in front of me killing themselves. i want them to stop already. i woke up a couple nights ago in tears
school is already too much, and i've only been going for a week. I thought since this was a new school i wouldn't get bullied but nope, today i got called a fat ass. oh the joys of school.
i can't handle this anymore. someone make it fucking stop..... please.
The ups and downs are getting worse, some days my thoughts race and i can't think and i hear a lot of voices at once in my head, taunting me, bullying me. telling me that no one cares, and no one wants me to be around, that i'm ugly and worthless. Other days, i don't want to do anything don't want to get out of bed or talk to anyone. the voices are still there just one at a time and softer, telling me if i kill myself everyone will be happy and bad things will happen if i don't hurt or kill myself. i'm starting to believe them and i fight them i really do but theres only a certain amount of fighting i can do before i want to surrender. last night i stole alcohol and drank until i couldn't hear the voices anymore. it was the only time i could think straight.
i've started getting nightmares about seeing my friends commit suicide or people who i care about getting injured. I'm afraid to sleep because of them. I stay up as long as i can because i can bare to see any more dreams like that, my family and friends being tortured, or seeing them in front of me killing themselves. i want them to stop already. i woke up a couple nights ago in tears
school is already too much, and i've only been going for a week. I thought since this was a new school i wouldn't get bullied but nope, today i got called a fat ass. oh the joys of school.
i can't handle this anymore. someone make it fucking stop..... please.
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