:( (Rant) (poss triggering)

My life has gotten to a new low. So much worse. My dad decided he wanted to have dinner with me and my mom. (They have been divorced for a long time) He told me they were going to talk to me about my happiness. I was already thought 'oh crap, i really don't want to this'. So we ate then my dad said 'i know you are going to hate me for this, but i read your email' At this time i got and ran to my room crying. I knew he had found out something bad. I locked my bedroom, and was prepared not to come out. There was a bunch of yelling. But they made me unlock it after like 10 minutes. They came in, and my dad told me he saw on the email that it said i had plans to kill myself. He was mad that i hadnt told him. I was crying. At the end of the conversation he told me to promise him to never cut ever again. I don't think i'll be able to do that. I promised. And i know if i break that promise something bad will happen. But its just so fucking hard. I don't think he knows its an addiction..

I hate all of this. I just want to say 'fuck everything, i give up'. I wish i was never born. I don't deserve my life.

I want to cut so badly. Want to see the blood, and feel the pain.

Fuck........ I don't know what to do.