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I keep destroying myself (triggering)
Posted January 16th 2012 at 07:29 PM by Lumos.
Didn't sleep well last night. probably got like 3 hours. I normally get like 7 hours. so im really tired..
I just cut again.
I didnt even try to stop myself this time. Didnt see any point in trying not to. It doesnt stop me. Now i have to think if i want to lie to every one again. I probably will. I'll just get in more trouble if i tell the truth. 
Today i've just lied in bed, been online, and cut. Im so pathetic. I don't have enough energy to get out of bed. All i want to do is disapear.
How come in fairy tales they always say 'when you make a wish it will come true'? Then in real life i wish that id die, but it never happens.
Don't want to go talk to my counsellor tomorrow. Don't want to pretend im better, but thats the way i've made it seem to my counsellor. If i tell her the truth that i cut, she'll tell my dad. Then he'll go searching through my stuff. I can't have him invade my privacy. So i have to lie.. It protects people from being mad and disappointed.
im giving up.
I just cut again.
I didnt even try to stop myself this time. Didnt see any point in trying not to. It doesnt stop me. Now i have to think if i want to lie to every one again. I probably will. I'll just get in more trouble if i tell the truth. Today i've just lied in bed, been online, and cut. Im so pathetic. I don't have enough energy to get out of bed. All i want to do is disapear.
How come in fairy tales they always say 'when you make a wish it will come true'? Then in real life i wish that id die, but it never happens.
Don't want to go talk to my counsellor tomorrow. Don't want to pretend im better, but thats the way i've made it seem to my counsellor. If i tell her the truth that i cut, she'll tell my dad. Then he'll go searching through my stuff. I can't have him invade my privacy. So i have to lie.. It protects people from being mad and disappointed.
im giving up.
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