(Triggering:Self Harm) Bad place to be in.....

I am in a bad place right now.... I keep thinking that I am a complete failure for not being able to finish what I started. Twice. Twice I survived when I shouldn't have. I don't know anymore if I want to be here anymore. I love this site because I can post anything and nobody will judge me.... I just need to vent I guess. It's late and I can't sleep and I am going crazy inside my head. I just don't know what to do anymore. All I know is that I don't really want to be here much longer. The only person keeping me here is my boyfriend. He is the most amazing person in the world. I keep thinking that he is going to get sick of me at some point in my life like everyone else has. Gah. I need to just stop talking. I cut myself again deeply. I want to do it again and again. I just don't know how much longer I can take this.....:\