You are driving me INSANE this week. Seriously.
No. Not just this week.
The past year and a half.
But this week just made it worse. You are such an attention whore!
'Sex with my boyfriend? Ew! No!'
'Nat...I think I'm pregnant'
WTF.


Then you start telling me 'oh maybe it's just my body being weird after all the ODs. I take ** pills at a time and nothing happens'
YOU'RE SUCH A LIAR!!!!! Unless you're some kind of...

I'm falling again.
Into that black hole.
It's deep and it's dark and it's lonely.
I'm alone. Red tears dripping as the days go by. The longing to cry blood becoming stronger and stronger with each passing moment.
My thoughts? 'I want to die.' I'm not aware of being particularly suicidal, but I can't deny that this thought hasn't left me for over a year.
I'm spending nights sitting alone in the darkness where forbidden tears finally make their escape. Yet even...

Argh I REALLY have to rant at SOMETHING!

I am getting so annoyed at everyone. They’re all trying to make me do sociology. I hate it. I can’t stand the subject. That class has literally made me feel suicidal and I’ve sat there thinking of ways to die just to get out of there.

I really can’t deal with it and because I got 41% in the prelim they’re all trying to make me. I have Wilma or whatever her name is talking about how I can easily get a B and she’d be sad to lose...

English homework. 1000 word reflective essay on 'Why do you write?'
Since my english teacher -and possibly class- are now going to realise how crazy and messed up I am, I figured I might as well share it with the rest of the world. Why not broadcast insanity?
(I also made it rainbow coloured so it's not too boring )


Why do I write?

I guess that there could many plausible answers to that question. Because I have to, for school. Because I’m bored....

My wrist is a mess. Not like they're even that big, Or deep. Just small and lots of them. It's the only way I feel I can deal with this. I've been so confused the past 4 or 5 days and I'm sick of crying. It's happening again. It's all beginning again.
I don't know if I can handle this a second time round. Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy.
Maybe I'm just not meant to survive.
Maybe I was supposed to die that night in December. And the safety and happiness that that night...