Last week I had a job interview for Matalan (clothes/homeware shop for those of you who are deprived ) and I got the job! It's going to be 8+ hours a week until Christmas, and then they'll decide if they want to keep me on or not. Funny since, when the trainer person was showing the group of us around the store and pointing things out, I was looking at the homeware we walked past and thinking how reasonably priced it is and that I'd totally shop in there when I move out.

Now, less...

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I don't know what in Hell is wrong with me today. The whole day I've just wanted to hide in my bed. Half of me wants someone there to not let me go and the other half wants to be completely alone so I can let everything out and no one will have to see it. I don't want anyone to see me that way. Ever.
People are always calling me cute and pretty. I doubt they'd say the same if they saw me with puffy eyes, soaking wet face and top, stuffy nose, screaming into my pillow and trying to remember...

As much as I like the little alcove I live in, I'm actually scared to leave the house or be home alone at the moment. I mean, there are only 3 other houses in the street and pensioners live in them all so we've never had any trouble. But the houses over the wall from our back garden are on a street that's a bit.... dodgy. To say the least. And the street attached to that one isn't the nicest either. But last night there was a really odd noise, so I went through and asked mum if she'd heard thunder...

God I've been so depressing lately. My blogs are miserable. I had no one I could speak to about any of it so I guess this was the only place I had. It's different now. A girl I met in college over a year ago and who I've talked to a fair bit since then has been so amazing. She's texted me everyday, asking how I'm doing. Listening to me whine about being alone, not giving up on me and keeping me here. I can't thank her enough for that.
I spent a few hours with her on Saturday, my parents were...

I'm so utterly exhausted. Spent the night crying and drinking and taking pills. Woke up this morning and was sick. That was gross considering the last thing I ate involved rice.

I ended up spending most of the day sleeping it off, and I still feel wrecked. I'm staying up to watch the new Lip Service and then I'm just going to crash and sleep some more. I'm not sure if it's related or not, but I keep getting hiccups and it's driving me round the bend. And I have no idea how to stop...

There are no words.

I just feel empty.
Numb.
Done.

I can't do this. I need to cut tonight. I don't care what happens, I don't want to be stopped.