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When everything falls apart..

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Posted March 11th 2010 at 08:38 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck

My wrist is a mess. Not like they're even that big, Or deep. Just small and lots of them. It's the only way I feel I can deal with this. I've been so confused the past 4 or 5 days and I'm sick of crying. It's happening again. It's all beginning again.
I don't know if I can handle this a second time round. Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy.
Maybe I'm just not meant to survive.
Maybe I was supposed to die that night in December. And the safety and happiness that that night brought me has vanished, leaving me right back where I was 2 1/2 months ago.
Lost, confused, unloved and looking for a way out.
I can't believe that I actually thought I could be happy.
That I fooled myself into thinking that everything would be okay.
It just goes to show, that thinking that way can...will...get you hurt. I can't believe I was that stupid.
And it hurts. Like a hole in my chest that time will never heal. I feel unwanted, despised by the ones I loved and trusted the most. It feels like everything is falling apart and I don't have the strength to fight it. Not this time. So what do I do?
There's no one that I can talk to about everything because there isn't one person who wouldn't be upset with at least one thing that I say. So I'm alone. Again. I need to talk to someone and let it all out but I don't know who.
I had considered logging onto Live Help as a user as opposed to an operator, but what good would that do?
Ranting at someone for a while?
Someone whose time is much better spent helping someone who actually needs it. No. I have to learn to deal with this.
Relying on others has done nothing but get me hurt so I'm done.
Quote:
I'm rebuilding my walls, and working on my smile..
- London, Always.

I like being able to relate to her music. She's a huge inspiration for me and I hope that maybe one day, I can be that for someone else. But who knows.
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  1. Old Comment
    DomoKay's Avatar
    You CAN be happy. Don't give up, dear. I'm so sorry things are tough right now, but just keep holding on. I'm always here if you want to talk.
    permalink
    Posted March 11th 2010 at 10:48 PM by DomoKay DomoKay is offline
 
 
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