When everything falls apart..

My wrist is a mess. Not like they're even that big, Or deep. Just small and lots of them. It's the only way I feel I can deal with this. I've been so confused the past 4 or 5 days and I'm sick of crying. It's happening again. It's all beginning again.
I don't know if I can handle this a second time round. Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy.
Maybe I'm just not meant to survive.
Maybe I was supposed to die that night in December. And the safety and happiness that that night brought me has vanished, leaving me right back where I was 2 1/2 months ago.
Lost, confused, unloved and looking for a way out.
I can't believe that I actually thought I could be happy.
That I fooled myself into thinking that everything would be okay.
It just goes to show, that thinking that way can...will...get you hurt. I can't believe I was that stupid.
And it hurts. Like a hole in my chest that time will never heal. I feel unwanted, despised by the ones I loved and trusted the most. It feels like everything is falling apart and I don't have the strength to fight it. Not this time. So what do I do?
There's no one that I can talk to about everything because there isn't one person who wouldn't be upset with at least one thing that I say. So I'm alone. Again. I need to talk to someone and let it all out but I don't know who.
I had considered logging onto Live Help as a user as opposed to an operator, but what good would that do?
Ranting at someone for a while?
Someone whose time is much better spent helping someone who actually needs it. No. I have to learn to deal with this.
Relying on others has done nothing but get me hurt so I'm done.
- London, Always.

I like being able to relate to her music. She's a huge inspiration for me and I hope that maybe one day, I can be that for someone else. But who knows.