Uninspired Degree

I've been doing rather a lot of thinking about my degree recently. The module I'm doing right now is making me miserable, at best. I know that I could be putting a lot more into it and that's my fault for not just kicking the laziness and putting some hours in when I get home from work. But I'm at the point where I'm doing so badly in the module that even getting top marks for my last two essays and exam won't really bring my grade up anyway so there's no point. Even when I try really hard on something and put in the hours, my grades aren't good. I spent hours doing the research report for the second assignment and worked really hard to understand it, but I still only got a 63. 2 marks down from the first assignment which was a disaster and I knew that before I even submitted it. Assignment 3 was due back on Wednesday, my tutor emailed on Wednesday with something about the Easter break and she'd have it to us 'by Saturday'. It's after 5 and I'm still waiting. I don't want to start the final assignment until I get this one back so I can work off the feedback I get. But I also know that it's going to be terrible and demotivate me even more. I tried really hard on this essay. I spent so many hours looking for relevant literature and reading the textbook and taking notes and I was so pleased when I'd finished because I felt like I'd really answered the question and done well. But lots of other students are saying this one was their worst mark yet so I'm not expecting much more than a pass now.
I worked out that because of the unfair grading system at the OU, I only need 55% in the exam. My scores throughout the year have earned me a pass 3, which is basically a C. Even if I got 100% in the exam, my final grade would still be a pass 3. The least I can score before moving down to pass 4 is 55%. So while that takes pressure off because I just fall apart in exams and don't do well at all, it also reinforces that little voice in my brain that's been putting the exam work off. It makes sense that there's absolutely no point in working my butt off to do well when it won't make a difference anyway. But I do need to put some work in to get the 55% I need.

Next year could potentially be much worse than this year. The final compulsory module looks pretty horrific. I don't want to study psychology from a research perspective. I want to learn about the subject, not to how to design and run experiments. Next year I have to design, carry out, and write up a research project. If it wasn't compulsory it'd be the last thing I'd pick to do. But if I have a tutor who I feel I can talk to and is supportive then I think it could be okay. Unfortunately the OU is like Russian Roulette with tutors so I won't know until the module actually starts whether the one I get is likely to be much help. After that it's just one more year and I'm picking Forensics and Counselling. I deliberately left that one until last because I'm really looking forward to doing it. Finish on a high.
Then do absolutely nothing with my degree because you can't use it without doing post grad and I can't do that unless I give up my job and that is never going to happen. Whoopee.

Might as well go and procrastinate some more until my essay grade comes in. Then I can do a grinch and spend some time wrestling with my self loathing before lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and slipping slowly into madness.
I wish I was kidding.