Back to Work

I emailed Kate this afternoon to tell her I wanted to come back to work. I'm far too anxious being away. If I had food poisoning or a stomach bug or something, I think it'd be easier for me. At least then I wouldn't feel up to leaving the house or doing anything for a while. Because it's just pain and stiffness, I still FEEL capable of doing everything as normal, even if I can't realistically do that. Maybe it's just because of how badly staff were treated if they dared to be off sick in Matalan. "Are you SURE you can't come in?" "You really need to think about the company, you know."
I forced myself in to a shift at Matalan one Easter Sunday. I had to get someone to cover me twice while I went to the toilets to throw up. Eventually when I was pale and shaky and sweating I tracked down a manager and asked to leave. It was 15 minutes before I was due to finish so she just let me go. That was the worst shift I ever experienced, but it was better than the guilt trips and weeks of being ignored if you didn't come in to work.
Kate has been really good about me not being in. She keeps reminding me that I need to think of my health and don't push myself if I'm not ready because that won't help anything. I'm still anxious about it though, so I'm going back tomorrow.
The diazepam hasn't really helped, it just knocks me out for a couple of hours and leaves me feeling really 'foggy'. If anything, that's worse because I'm so asleep that I don't even move, so I get even more stiff. I'm also aware that I'm asleep but it's almost impossible to wake up, and that scares me.

Anyway, Kate agreed to meet with me in the morning to talk about any adjustments and support that can be put in place for me at my desk. My plan is to stay on regular painkillers and heat pads, and get up to walk around the office every so often. I also want to go for a walk at lunch time. I'm going to have a look at the stationery website we use and see if I can get a headset for my phone. I only just realised that about a month ago, one of my colleagues had said that holding the phone between my ear and shoulder so I had both hands free to take notes was really bad because it can cause nerve damage. It just came into my head earlier and I realised that, at the very least, that probably made things worse. If I can get a headset then my hands will be free to take messages or look up information for people on the phone.

I guess we'll see what happens. If I'm going to be suffering, I might as well be actually doing something. Other than knitting, I mean. Although my scarf is coming along great.

Here's hoping the physio appointment comes soon and I can get this sorted.