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Posted October 4th 2014 at 11:13 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck
Well my first week at work went well. Technically it was only a half week since I started on Wednesday. But it's been really good! I'm picking things up fast. I mainly sorted out, contacted, and arranged for people to come in for interviews next week to work at Forward Vision, the blind school, completely reorganised and cleared out the stationery room, ordered more stationery and put it away, filed, made new staff files, franked and posted the mail, and water the chief exec's plants. It's been going pretty well. My supervisor is speaking to technical support and the HR Manager to get me access to confidential HR files on the network so I can take over most of the recruitment work which is good. I've done a lot of that this week so I'm fairly confident I can handle it.
The week was actually going pretty good until today. I woke up around 4am with heinous cramp. It was like period cramp but much worse. Whenever I've had menstrual cramps before they've been a kind of dull ache that's more uncomfortable and annoying than painful. This was really painful and nothing made it feel any better. I tried every position possible, put a pillow between my legs (I sleep like that anyway and I find it helps with normal cramp a bit) It was intense and I felt awful. I was hot and sweaty and dizzy and felt sick. Went to the bathroom and felt better so I guessed it was just trapped wind or something. About 7am it happened again. This time going to the bathroom didn't help. I wanted to take ibuprofen but I hadn't eaten and with how sick I felt I doubted I'd keep anything down, so I just had to wait it out. About 15/20 minutes later it started to fade and I lay in my bed to read for a couple of hours. Started to doze a bit but around 9ish it came back again. This time I had to hurry to the bathroom to be sick, except I hadn't eaten so I just coughed a lot. My mum was awake and heard me so she came in and stared at me for a minute. I guess it would be a bit of a surprise to see your 21 year old daughter in a tshirt and boxers, leaning over a toilet sweating with a runny nose and tears streaming down her face. After that wave passed I went back to bed and again, 10/15 minutes later it faded. It came back again about 10am and I decided that if it didn't fade this time, or it did and then came back, I was calling NHS24 because something must be up. It did fade and I slept soundly until midday. When I got up I was fine, and have been since. I have no clue what it was. From my googling it does fit the more severe period symptoms but I've been taking my pill. I missed a couple of days but I caught up last night. Usually I don't get a period unless I miss four days and even then I don't start cramping or anything until a few days after that, regardless of whether I try to catch up or not.
Either way I've had average slightly trapped wind or too tight jeans crams since then, very very mildly, but it's making me panic in case it comes back. I'm pretty sure it was just a bad reaction to the Chinese we got last night, but I don't deal well with pain and that was bad. For now we're just assuming it was either food poisoning or just a small blockage since that came up in my search and would explain the runs I ended up with around the same time I was dry heaving over the toilet. I'm keeping a close eye on it.
It seems to be gone.
Freaking out a bit because I said I'd go to my grandad's tomorrow to see him. My dad was pleased. I don't see grandad much. Literally once a year when he comes over for New Year dinner unless he's here any other time during the year. I also want to hear how my cousin's first week at her new job went. But even though it was so long ago, just the thought of the house makes me so anxious because I still associate it with fear, and with being unsafe and on guard. I dropped something off with my dad, just at the little room at the end of the hall where the front door is maybe a year after all this happened, as soon as the smell of the house hit me I thought I was going to be sick. It smelled exactly the same as the last time I was there and it terrified me. Suddenly this automatic barrier goes up and I feel like I need to run. I can't feel safe there.
So I'm making myself go. I went a few weeks ago and felt just as bad, but I forced myself to be calm and get through it. I'm hoping if I can do this, even just every couple of months if needs be, eventually I can work through it and kind of override those negative memories and feelings. Eventually I can remember the place where all those fun and happy things happened when I was growing up, before the bad. I'm hoping so anyway.
I'm basically continuing the cognitive behavioural therapy I had a while ago but without seeing the actual therapist. Which is a shame because she had a really sexy irish accent. But those techniques, taking things little steps at a time and making goals for myself, they worked really well so I try to apply them everywhere I get worried. Amazing what a few sessions of therapy can do. I'm tempted to go back just for that woman's accent. Damn...
I also got exciting news that I'm not sure I'm allowed to share publicly yet but as soon as I can, I will. I'm super excited!
The week was actually going pretty good until today. I woke up around 4am with heinous cramp. It was like period cramp but much worse. Whenever I've had menstrual cramps before they've been a kind of dull ache that's more uncomfortable and annoying than painful. This was really painful and nothing made it feel any better. I tried every position possible, put a pillow between my legs (I sleep like that anyway and I find it helps with normal cramp a bit) It was intense and I felt awful. I was hot and sweaty and dizzy and felt sick. Went to the bathroom and felt better so I guessed it was just trapped wind or something. About 7am it happened again. This time going to the bathroom didn't help. I wanted to take ibuprofen but I hadn't eaten and with how sick I felt I doubted I'd keep anything down, so I just had to wait it out. About 15/20 minutes later it started to fade and I lay in my bed to read for a couple of hours. Started to doze a bit but around 9ish it came back again. This time I had to hurry to the bathroom to be sick, except I hadn't eaten so I just coughed a lot. My mum was awake and heard me so she came in and stared at me for a minute. I guess it would be a bit of a surprise to see your 21 year old daughter in a tshirt and boxers, leaning over a toilet sweating with a runny nose and tears streaming down her face. After that wave passed I went back to bed and again, 10/15 minutes later it faded. It came back again about 10am and I decided that if it didn't fade this time, or it did and then came back, I was calling NHS24 because something must be up. It did fade and I slept soundly until midday. When I got up I was fine, and have been since. I have no clue what it was. From my googling it does fit the more severe period symptoms but I've been taking my pill. I missed a couple of days but I caught up last night. Usually I don't get a period unless I miss four days and even then I don't start cramping or anything until a few days after that, regardless of whether I try to catch up or not.
Either way I've had average slightly trapped wind or too tight jeans crams since then, very very mildly, but it's making me panic in case it comes back. I'm pretty sure it was just a bad reaction to the Chinese we got last night, but I don't deal well with pain and that was bad. For now we're just assuming it was either food poisoning or just a small blockage since that came up in my search and would explain the runs I ended up with around the same time I was dry heaving over the toilet. I'm keeping a close eye on it.
It seems to be gone.
Freaking out a bit because I said I'd go to my grandad's tomorrow to see him. My dad was pleased. I don't see grandad much. Literally once a year when he comes over for New Year dinner unless he's here any other time during the year. I also want to hear how my cousin's first week at her new job went. But even though it was so long ago, just the thought of the house makes me so anxious because I still associate it with fear, and with being unsafe and on guard. I dropped something off with my dad, just at the little room at the end of the hall where the front door is maybe a year after all this happened, as soon as the smell of the house hit me I thought I was going to be sick. It smelled exactly the same as the last time I was there and it terrified me. Suddenly this automatic barrier goes up and I feel like I need to run. I can't feel safe there.
So I'm making myself go. I went a few weeks ago and felt just as bad, but I forced myself to be calm and get through it. I'm hoping if I can do this, even just every couple of months if needs be, eventually I can work through it and kind of override those negative memories and feelings. Eventually I can remember the place where all those fun and happy things happened when I was growing up, before the bad. I'm hoping so anyway.
I'm basically continuing the cognitive behavioural therapy I had a while ago but without seeing the actual therapist. Which is a shame because she had a really sexy irish accent. But those techniques, taking things little steps at a time and making goals for myself, they worked really well so I try to apply them everywhere I get worried. Amazing what a few sessions of therapy can do. I'm tempted to go back just for that woman's accent. Damn...
I also got exciting news that I'm not sure I'm allowed to share publicly yet but as soon as I can, I will. I'm super excited!
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