Hollow.

Okay. I debated doing this but I really don't want to explain so many different times.
Naomi and I broke up last night. We're not getting back together. We're going to stay friends and maybe in the future things will change, but right now we're doing what's best for us.

There were lots of reasons, overall there are a million other things that could be said, I'm sure on both parts, but we're just doing the mature thing and letting it go.

No, I'm not okay. I've had an all-day headache, haven't really eaten, and my stomach is just disagreeing with life at the moment. I'm holding it together and not breaking down, but only because I'm staying busy and thinking about other things. I can't imagine a life without her and I'm holding myself back from checking my phone every minute because we usually text pretty much all day. Night time is hard. I tried to sleep on the couch last night because too much in my room would have reminded me of her. Had to go to my bed around 4am anyway because I just wasn't sleeping and couldn't get comfortable.

I spent the day at my mum's work with her. She works just across the road and she is the only employee, as well as her own manager, so I can come and go as I please. I've been helping out a lot there and I know she's grateful for the help, but I'm worried she'll start to get frustrated with me hanging around all the time. She understands that I just can't face being alone right now though. She's been amazing. So has my dad, and my brother.

The final straw that basically ended the relationship had to do with a job I was offered out of the blue. I won't go into details about why this caused problems. But essentially my dad's company needs an office assistant. Starting salary is almost £14,000, going up to just over £16,000 over time. It's a fantastic opportunity and the Chief Exec. is enthusiastic about meeting me and taking me on. I need to apply and go for an interview, but as there are currently no other candidates and they need someone ASAP, the job is as good as mine if I want it.
I've decided to go for it. I'd be an idiot not to. It'll support me financially at least until I finish my degree. It's a permanent position so it's there for as long as I want to do it. A close friend from New York is also coming to England next year so I'll be able to afford to go down there to meet her at last. It won't be easy, I'll have to fit in a lot of studying around a full time job, and if it's too intense this year I'll have to split my last year into two. I'm determined not to drop any classes this year to do later, but I'm open to cutting down next year to take the pressure off if I need to.

I'm heartbroken, but I'm trying to be positive. It'll be okay. Eventually.