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Bleh.
Posted November 22nd 2012 at 11:09 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck
Been dreading this week since November last year. Wednesday was obviously going to be difficult, especially when I realised it was 11am and ended up crying again. 
But now there's the whole 8 days afterwards before the funeral thing and I keep thinking about that dream I had last week.
Sat and drank my way through Monday night. Screwed up my legs and an arm last night. Tonight looks set to be a repeat of one or both nights.
Best thing being no one knows. Because I stopped the meds and don't see any doctors or anything anymore. Everything's completely okay now. She's not got anything left to hurt herself with and she's always locked up in that room working on something. Everything's fine now.
To make my day that bit better, I spent an hour and a half alone with scissors wondering how long it'd take for them to break skin. I then managed to splash boiling water over the arm I screwed up last night.
I want the next week to be over already. The whole thing is just making me think about the hellish week we had then.
Urgh.
Burying myself in work and research that probably doesn't even need done.
Refusing to tell anyone. Everyone else has their own problems to worry about. They can do that, and I'll handle mine. Easy.
Now the question is, can I be trusted to go shopping on my own tomorrow?
But now there's the whole 8 days afterwards before the funeral thing and I keep thinking about that dream I had last week.
Sat and drank my way through Monday night. Screwed up my legs and an arm last night. Tonight looks set to be a repeat of one or both nights.
Best thing being no one knows. Because I stopped the meds and don't see any doctors or anything anymore. Everything's completely okay now. She's not got anything left to hurt herself with and she's always locked up in that room working on something. Everything's fine now.
To make my day that bit better, I spent an hour and a half alone with scissors wondering how long it'd take for them to break skin. I then managed to splash boiling water over the arm I screwed up last night.
I want the next week to be over already. The whole thing is just making me think about the hellish week we had then.
Urgh.
Burying myself in work and research that probably doesn't even need done.
Refusing to tell anyone. Everyone else has their own problems to worry about. They can do that, and I'll handle mine. Easy.
Now the question is, can I be trusted to go shopping on my own tomorrow?
Total Comments 1
Comments
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I completely understand how it can feel when people seem to be so self absorbed in their own problems they don't care about others' problems as well. It's very easy to do. Have you tried reaching out to them? It can be hard, trust me, I find it near impossible. However, people cannot mind-read, and very often they do not do anything to help you because they do not know anything is wrong. 
You are important enough, just because others' problems seem "larger" than yours does not mean you deserve to stay suffering. Be the inspiration for others by getting the help when you need it. 
Posted November 23rd 2012 at 08:30 AM by Coffee.
