Blank.

I have to leave for college in 20 minutes. It's taken me the past almost half hour I've been up to make myself get dressed and ready.
I can feel it happening again. Started thinking of different ways to get out of college. Still am. But I can't.! SAAS haven't even approved my course funding yet. And they've moved the required attendance up to 95% which is ridiculous.
I thought it'd be better this year. Because I actually like the course and how much freedom I have over it. There's a lot I can do at home if I can't get it done in class and it's easier to go at my own pace.
It's scaring me. Feeling like this last year had me thinking about jumping in front of a bus. It had me cutting more and I don't want to go back to that. I was so miserable.
I thought about dropping out and getting a full time job, but that's not possible either since I couldn't work mornings if I'm feeling like this. My parents wouldn't let me just sit at home all day.
I can't deal with feeling this way just now. I'm only on my third week! Up until now I enjoyed it and looked forward to college. Now I just want to die in a hole.
Meeting with support staff tomorrow.
Wondering if since everything is up online, maybe I can do more from home and not have to be in as much. Which I know is stupid at 2 1/2 days. I feel so pathetic for not being able to handle such a pathetically small amount of time in college.
So pathetic and useless. Why bother.