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Sigh.
Posted April 28th 2011 at 07:56 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck
Feel like I need to talk.
Not just speak. Talk. Really talk. Without worrying about upsetting someone. Or triggering them. Or worrying them. I need someone who isn't involved who I can just spill everything to and let it all out.
Tried the 1-2-1 thing on childline. Was kind of hopeless. After 20 minutes they said I hadn't talked much and spent ages describing the confidentiality policy. Then about ten minutes after said that they're aware of how long we'd been talking and I must be tired so they'd let me go. That helped. Not. I can't see a doctor until Tuesday at the very earliest so I can't ask about it then and I'm not sure how much I can trust myself with ibuprofen, crazy pills, two bottles of alcohol and some blades in my room.
I feel so restless. I want to go out somewhere. Just walk. Be alone to think. Except I'm scared to think.
I keep having these dreams. They're not exactly nightmares. They're normal situation but something always happens that makes me panic or get really stressed. I keep dreaming about the bar I work in. The other night there were loads of people there and the girls I was working with weren't serving any of them so I had to do it. But all the glasses had white wine in them for some kind of toast later so I didn't know what to put the drinks in. Another time I dreamt that it flooded. Then we were locked out. Then I was asked for some drink I've never heard of and the guy I was working with told me to use the spoon. There was no spoon. I also keep dreaming about the old house. We moved here when I was ten. And I've always said I'd love to have our old house back, but have it in this street. I love this area but I'm not huge on the house. I loved our old house but the area was a bit dangerous. I miss the house a lot.
I'm also dreaming about my Papa a lot which is getting harder because it always seems to upset me.
Gah.
Frustrated.
Yeah. I need to talk to someone.
Pity I don't do helplines. Though if it gets any worse tonight I'm calling Samaritans reverse charge. Because I do not trust myself.
Hmph.
:|
Not just speak. Talk. Really talk. Without worrying about upsetting someone. Or triggering them. Or worrying them. I need someone who isn't involved who I can just spill everything to and let it all out.
Tried the 1-2-1 thing on childline. Was kind of hopeless. After 20 minutes they said I hadn't talked much and spent ages describing the confidentiality policy. Then about ten minutes after said that they're aware of how long we'd been talking and I must be tired so they'd let me go. That helped. Not. I can't see a doctor until Tuesday at the very earliest so I can't ask about it then and I'm not sure how much I can trust myself with ibuprofen, crazy pills, two bottles of alcohol and some blades in my room.
I feel so restless. I want to go out somewhere. Just walk. Be alone to think. Except I'm scared to think.
I keep having these dreams. They're not exactly nightmares. They're normal situation but something always happens that makes me panic or get really stressed. I keep dreaming about the bar I work in. The other night there were loads of people there and the girls I was working with weren't serving any of them so I had to do it. But all the glasses had white wine in them for some kind of toast later so I didn't know what to put the drinks in. Another time I dreamt that it flooded. Then we were locked out. Then I was asked for some drink I've never heard of and the guy I was working with told me to use the spoon. There was no spoon. I also keep dreaming about the old house. We moved here when I was ten. And I've always said I'd love to have our old house back, but have it in this street. I love this area but I'm not huge on the house. I loved our old house but the area was a bit dangerous. I miss the house a lot.
I'm also dreaming about my Papa a lot which is getting harder because it always seems to upset me.
Gah.
Frustrated.
Yeah. I need to talk to someone.
Pity I don't do helplines. Though if it gets any worse tonight I'm calling Samaritans reverse charge. Because I do not trust myself.
Hmph.
:|
Total Comments 1
Comments
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I am here if you ever need to talk <3Posted May 1st 2011 at 02:27 PM by Anatidaephobia
