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Stop. (trig)
Posted April 2nd 2011 at 08:08 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck
Thoughts are rushing through my head too fast.
Saw the doctor yesterday. Never seen her before. Just needed a new prescription. She kept asking questions.
Why are you depressed? No idea. lie
What do your parents do? Council and accountant.
Do you get on with your parents? Yes.
Do you get on with your brother? Yes.
Are there any drug/alcohol problems in your family? No. lie
Do you have a drug or alcohol problem? No.
Are you on the pill? No.
Is that deliberate? No.
Are you in a relationship? Yes.
Are you sexually active? No. lie
Have you ever thought of harming yourself? Sometimes. lie
Why do you do it? Don't know. lie
How do you feel after you harm yourself? Better.
Do your parents know about all this? Yes. lie
Are you suicidal? No. lie
How are you today? Alright. lie
It went on and on and on. She laughed when I said I feel better after cutting.
I just wanted a little sheet of paper that let me get the stupid pills I'm supposed to be taking. Way to trigger the hell out of me. It's not funny that it makes me feel better.
It just does and I don't know why so don't fucking judge me for that.I really want to be able to be more honest with my normal doctor next week. I had this dream of breaking down, showing her my arms and legs. Telling her I can't keep going like this. Saying that all I ever want to do is cut and overdose. I hate myself so much more than I can even put into words. There's no point in anything anymore.
But I don't want her to think I'm a risk and put me somewhere 'safe.' They can't watch me 24/7. Especially not if they don't think there's a reason to watch me.
It's running through my head too fast.
Pills.Blades.Blood.Papa.Parents.Doctor. Pills.Blades.Blood.Papa.Parents.Doctor. Pills.Blades.Blood.Papa.Parents.Doctor. Pills.Blades.Blood.Papa.Parents.Doctor. Pills.Blades.Blood.Papa.Parents.Doctor.
MAKE IT STOP ALREADY.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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I love you, so much. Don't give up, princess. It's going to get better. You''ll be in my arms soon.Posted April 2nd 2011 at 08:11 PM by Bibliophile
