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Alive. (trig)
Posted March 9th 2011 at 12:08 AM by LlamaLlamaDuck
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
hurt myself again today
and the worst part is there's no one else to blame.
Blood on my hand again. And over my other leg. They're both a bit messy. The blood made me smile. I felt so alive for that one moment. And it felt so. Good. Kind of looking forward to tomorrow. Home alone. I can cut as deep as I want and I'll have plenty of time alone to clean it up.
Now the after effect is settling on me. Where I can feel the constant stinging. Where I start to regret it. Well done, Nat. You fucked up your leg again. Congratulations. You're just lucky the scars from last time you did that totally faded. Maybe you won't be so lucky this time and your parents will see.
Such a screw up. So sick of all of this.
She's the only reason I'm bothering to hang on. I was reminded of that when I was giggling slightly, staring at the blood on my hand and down my leg. She woke up and texted me. And reality crashed down around me. Shit. Not again. What have you done? Who cares. Go deeper next time. Deeper. More. More blood. Don't be so stupid. This has to stop.
But I don't want it to stop.
I guess for the time being I'm listening to my Id. Don't you just love psychology?
I have been here many times before
hurt myself again today
and the worst part is there's no one else to blame.
Blood on my hand again. And over my other leg. They're both a bit messy. The blood made me smile. I felt so alive for that one moment. And it felt so. Good. Kind of looking forward to tomorrow. Home alone. I can cut as deep as I want and I'll have plenty of time alone to clean it up.
Now the after effect is settling on me. Where I can feel the constant stinging. Where I start to regret it. Well done, Nat. You fucked up your leg again. Congratulations. You're just lucky the scars from last time you did that totally faded. Maybe you won't be so lucky this time and your parents will see.
Such a screw up. So sick of all of this.
She's the only reason I'm bothering to hang on. I was reminded of that when I was giggling slightly, staring at the blood on my hand and down my leg. She woke up and texted me. And reality crashed down around me. Shit. Not again. What have you done? Who cares. Go deeper next time. Deeper. More. More blood. Don't be so stupid. This has to stop.
But I don't want it to stop.
I guess for the time being I'm listening to my Id. Don't you just love psychology?
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