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I have no idea
Posted February 23rd 2011 at 12:30 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck
Saw my doctor again yesterday. She eventually printed off a prescription for some fluoxythingy I can't even pronounce. At the time, I told her I didn't mind if she put me on meds. But now I don't know.
At night, all I can think is fat, ugly, disgusting, pathetic. Can't do anything right. Failure. So stupid you're failing a course you shouldn't even be doing because it's academically below you.
I keep asking myself why I'm still alive. I really don't know.
Was half dreaming, half thinking about being taken away. In the half-dream, I was stood in the middle of a shopping bit cutting my arm. And there were two women watching me. They told me it was 97 and to make it 100 so they could take me away. I was convinced when I woke up that someone was going to take me away, tie me to a table and electrocute me. Think I was thinking of the film we watched in college, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Don't even know if I spelled that right.
Don't know anything. Don't know what I want in terms of these stupid pills. I want the thoughts to stop and it'd be nice to have one night where I don't find myself crying. But taking them means admitting something isn't right. That there's a problem. And there isn't. I'm fine. There's no reason for me to feel this way.
I should get over this already.
At night, all I can think is fat, ugly, disgusting, pathetic. Can't do anything right. Failure. So stupid you're failing a course you shouldn't even be doing because it's academically below you.
I keep asking myself why I'm still alive. I really don't know.
Was half dreaming, half thinking about being taken away. In the half-dream, I was stood in the middle of a shopping bit cutting my arm. And there were two women watching me. They told me it was 97 and to make it 100 so they could take me away. I was convinced when I woke up that someone was going to take me away, tie me to a table and electrocute me. Think I was thinking of the film we watched in college, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Don't even know if I spelled that right.
Don't know anything. Don't know what I want in terms of these stupid pills. I want the thoughts to stop and it'd be nice to have one night where I don't find myself crying. But taking them means admitting something isn't right. That there's a problem. And there isn't. I'm fine. There's no reason for me to feel this way.
I should get over this already.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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I think you should try it, Nat. It really could end up helping you. And I hope that it will. Nights get so much harder than days. They feel lonely. And that's not fun - but you're not alone. (: Hang in there, doll.Posted February 24th 2011 at 11:24 AM by Katrina
