Placement >.<

About an hour ago I was thinking about how I'm going to end up staying up until stupid o'clock tonight even though I have to be up at 7.15 to get to my placement in a care home tomorrow. I looked at the clock and thought 'Nah, it's not even 9 yet, I'll shower in a minute and settle down.' It's now almost ten and my lazy ass hasn't moved.
Honestly I don't want to go. I understand that I need the 140 or whatever hours of care work to move on to HNC Social Care and I get that a care home is probably the best, my tutor explained that putting me in a foster home or something wasn't appropriate because there'd be kids close to or the same age as me. I don't mind the placement, I don't mind the fact that it's care home full of Demetia ridden old people who will do nothing but remind me of him when he was only buried on Tuesday. I do however, have to protest against the smell, the fact that I'm walking for anytime between 15 and 25 minutes in a foot of snow and that I'm the only person there on placement on a Friday.
I'm going to be so completely alone. How am I supposed to handle that? If there isn't someone there for the same reason as me, then I'll just be more nervous, mess everything up and it will just be more noticeable.
The only possible upside is that I'm working 8-2 so at least I'm out early.
But I'm so scared that I'll lose it completely when I'm there. One of them will look like him, make the same nervous noise, sound like him, say something like he used to and I'll just run. I already skipped it last week because of this and my tutor knows that and is okay with it, but I called and told them I'd be in tomorrow.
Like they'll even remember. "Hi, I'm supposed to be doing a placement at the home but I couldn't start because my disclosure wasn't through. It's come through now, though and I can start on Friday." "Okay, see you then. *hangs up*"
Didn't take a note of my name, where I was coming from, the shift I'm working (they do it from 8-2 or 2-8), nothing.
I need to get ready. I just lack the motivation.
When I wake up, it'll be 26 days. Just 26. I can last that long.
And I only have to go into the home 3 times before Christmas unless they expect me to work Christmas eve. Just 3 times.
I can do this.

I so can not do this.