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Going home.
Posted July 4th 2010 at 10:35 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck
As the title suggests I'm headed back home tomorrow. 
I don't want to go, I know that no one ever wants to go home from a holiday but I love it here so much. It's like a second home, we've been coming here for so long. It's so beautiful and natural. I can't stress how much I love it.
I don't know if it's the idea of going home and facing everything again that's doing this but I've been so ridiculously suicidal the past few days and it's really starting to bother me. Whereas before I could just say 'Oh we have tomorrow, I have this, this and this planned and then I can do this' Now I only have the prospect of saying goodbye to this place, possibly for good since I don't know if I'm coming back, and knowing that I have 4 hours in a car to sit and think about what is waiting for me back home.
So much time to make plans.
I don't know if I'm just depressed at the concept of going back but I really don't want to do this anymore. I can't deal with going and having to face the remnants of what was once a family. Though I was miserable, at least it was a family and I had a somewhat clear conscience. Now I get to wake up every day knowing that there's a definite possibility my dad will never speak to his father again and it's because of me.
I don't want to do this.
I don't want to deal with this.
I don't want to be here.
So why am I?
I don't want to go, I know that no one ever wants to go home from a holiday but I love it here so much. It's like a second home, we've been coming here for so long. It's so beautiful and natural. I can't stress how much I love it.
I don't know if it's the idea of going home and facing everything again that's doing this but I've been so ridiculously suicidal the past few days and it's really starting to bother me. Whereas before I could just say 'Oh we have tomorrow, I have this, this and this planned and then I can do this' Now I only have the prospect of saying goodbye to this place, possibly for good since I don't know if I'm coming back, and knowing that I have 4 hours in a car to sit and think about what is waiting for me back home.
So much time to make plans.
I don't know if I'm just depressed at the concept of going back but I really don't want to do this anymore. I can't deal with going and having to face the remnants of what was once a family. Though I was miserable, at least it was a family and I had a somewhat clear conscience. Now I get to wake up every day knowing that there's a definite possibility my dad will never speak to his father again and it's because of me.
I don't want to do this.
I don't want to deal with this.
I don't want to be here.
So why am I?
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