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Letter to my grandfather..
Posted June 23rd 2010 at 08:48 PM by LlamaLlamaDuck
Some of you guys might know that kind of a lot of stuff has happened this year with my family and my mum thought my idea of writing to my grandfather was a good one. Joy. So I spent today writing this. My parents don't like that I'm apologising because they don't think I did anything wrong, so some opinions one that would be good. Apologies for the length
*Note: Parts in italics and brackets will probably be removed*
Grandad,
I know that a lot has happened this year, and I know that I’m probably being held responsible for that. Fair enough, I’ll take responsibility for whatever I’ve done wrong. I don’t know what you’ve been told or what you believe and I know that I have no right to force my opinion on you, all I ask is that you just read what I have to say. Whether I deserve this or not, I would like my chance to say my part. All I’m doing is offering my opinion, it’s your choice to believe me or not. (But hey, why would you believe me since you’ve obviously been manipulated and probably told that talking to me will lead to you being offered as a sacrificial offering to a satanic God.)
I think that all of this has been really unfair on you. It had nothing to do with you, a lot was happening when you weren’t there so you had no idea it was going on and now you’ve been told what’s “right” and it’s separated you from my dad. No father should have to choose between his children and I don’t think making you choose would be right. What I do think is that it would be really great if you would just see him and hear him out. Just to stress: I’m not doing this for my dad’s benefit, or because he told me to, it’s just my opinion.
I hate what all of this has done to the family and I know that I should have sorted it out sooner, had I known that all this would happen, I would have fixed it earlier. But I didn’t, and I know that’s my fault and that I let everyone down by doing that. Not just my dad though, look at Michael. He’s being pulled into something that doesn’t concern him, something that no 11 year old should have to put up with. He’s missing out on things he wants to have, like celebrating your birthday with the rest of the family, and any other parties, like the Burns Dinner he also missed. It doesn’t take a genius to see that nothing good has come of anything, all that any of this has done is split everyone up and put people, like Michael, in the middle, where they shouldn’t have to be.
Granted I have no desire whatsoever to see or speak to Patricia Anne again, I have my own reasons for that, reasons I know she, and hopefully you, understand. But none of this involves you and I hate that it’s led to this. I haven’t seen you in 4 months and I regret that so much more than I can say. I understand that you also have your reasons for not wanting to speak to me or my parents and I respect that. But I do want to put some things across that are true that I think you have the wrong side of, if that makes sense.
- I am not a pagan, nor do I worship any other God than the one I was brought up to believe. I admit that I was, and am, very interested in exploring my spirituality and having a chance to see God from the perspective of different religions. But I have absolutely no intention of turning my back on my religion. Interest in beliefs, and converting to those beliefs, are completely different. My parents are aware of my interest, they know what I’m looking into is purely respect of nature and nothing else. They are okay with that as long as I don’t turn away from the God I was raised to believe in and I have given my word on this.
- In addition to this, I am not planning on running away and joining a cult. I’m perfectly happy with my parents, brother and home. I’m not stupid enough, or have the money, to run away and independently support myself along with my future studies in college. I also don’t actually know of any cults in the general area and have absolutely no desire whatsoever to submit myself to manipulation into beliefs that aren’t my own, I’ve had enough of that for one lifetime. (For further information on said manipulation, please see your daughter)
- My parents are not bad parents. Yes, a lot of things were going on for a while, but the reason they didn’t know was because I didn’t want them to know, I didn’t tell them. That’s all over now, it’s in the past. The only reason anyone found out about it was because it was around the time I found writing was a good way to express myself. All the negative things I wrote about blood and dying were how I dealt with what was going on my head and it stopped me from doing anything I shouldn’t. I can’t really explain anymore than that, it’s pretty complicated. The only thing that was correct in that area was being told I was depressed, my doctor told me that, Hell, I could have told you that! But that’s being dealt with. And my parents have been so amazingly great. They’ve done nothing but support me since this started so you should be proud of your son and his loyalty.
(I also want you to know that I have some, quite honestly annoying and inconvenient, issues that involve a constant feeling of being watched and judged. And yes, this is because of your daughter, please take the time to thank her from me =D)
Obviously there is so much more that’s been said but that’s for my dad to talk to you about if he decides to. Like I said before, I’m not trying to force my views on you, I’m giving you my opinion and whether you take anything I said to heart is up to you. At the same time, please at least think about this. I miss going to see my grandad and I know my dad misses you too. At least consider taking a chance and speaking to us, let us tell you what happened from our perspective and you can decide yourself instead of making decisions on purely biased statements.
I want to apologise for any stress, offence or upset I’ve caused you, you don’t need to put up with that, so I’m sorry. I know I did wrong and I hope to make up for that.
I hope you had a nice birthday, and enjoyed the celebrations from the weekend before.
Thank you, for reading this much anyway.
Take care.
Love
Louise.
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